Okay, I understand Steve Jobs was a great man. But it seems people are more than happy to post about him whereas they are timid to post about Jesus. Jobs created many nice tech-y products to enhance our lives, but Jesus gave us so much more. This is almost as irritating as when Michael Jackson died.
I doubt people will still discuss Jobs so passionately 2000 years from now. I guess I should just be happy that Jesus is still being worshiped all these years later... and is still impacting people's lives. But it makes me a little sad that I have so many non-Christian friends who think about Steve Jobs more than they do Jesus :(
Friday, October 7, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Wow
2 1/2 months since my last post! What happened? I went to Tahoe for a week, but that wasn't for 2.5 months... and I haven't been to small groups, so that hasn't cut into my free time. Guess I've been keeping up with the Giants etc, and haven't blogged at all. Maybe because nothing is really new?
Except soon my Bunders will be moving out again. She's been home over a year and I've gotten accustomed to not seeing her around but knowing she'll be back. Soon I won't know when she'll be back, and probably not "permanently" anymore. She will probably end up in her own place, and before you know it, married etc and living with her own family. Kinda scary to think of that so I won't go there.... especially when Nort will probably be overseas by then.
At New Life, we're gonna start inviting people to church again. Many of my un-churched friends live 30-40 miles from New Life, so it's not really practical. I'll probably invite the usual folks I have been inviting and maybe they'll actually come this time. Guess it's all up to God's timing (and their willingness). One is sort of anti-church ever since her other church black-balled her when she and first hubby divorced. Guess they didn't realize he was beating the tar out of her, but that shouldn't matter. Church people shouldn't take sides in divorces if both people were church-goers, cuz nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors... but that's just my opinion. I've never been one to wanna judge since that's better left up to God... and I don't like being judged either. Most of the time I don't even care what people think of me, but I do judge myself sometimes.
Except soon my Bunders will be moving out again. She's been home over a year and I've gotten accustomed to not seeing her around but knowing she'll be back. Soon I won't know when she'll be back, and probably not "permanently" anymore. She will probably end up in her own place, and before you know it, married etc and living with her own family. Kinda scary to think of that so I won't go there.... especially when Nort will probably be overseas by then.
At New Life, we're gonna start inviting people to church again. Many of my un-churched friends live 30-40 miles from New Life, so it's not really practical. I'll probably invite the usual folks I have been inviting and maybe they'll actually come this time. Guess it's all up to God's timing (and their willingness). One is sort of anti-church ever since her other church black-balled her when she and first hubby divorced. Guess they didn't realize he was beating the tar out of her, but that shouldn't matter. Church people shouldn't take sides in divorces if both people were church-goers, cuz nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors... but that's just my opinion. I've never been one to wanna judge since that's better left up to God... and I don't like being judged either. Most of the time I don't even care what people think of me, but I do judge myself sometimes.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Changes
I haven't blogged in a while. I see people and they ask, "What's new?" Well, nothing is really "new" and that's why I haven't blogged. I still go to church Sundays, I still read the Bible, I still pray, and I re-read "A Case for Faith." I don't know if there's any actual "growth," but I guess keeping good habits is better than breaking 'em.
Things may change for me at work... in that I'll have to go into the office 3-4 times a week instead of the 2x I do now. It's a bummer but not really a heartbreaker. It's a job that pays fairly well, and I have a vanpool with people I actually like (most of them most of the time).
Long story short (or short story short).... This is a short blog cuz there's nothing new. In this case, no news is basically good news and I will thank God for that. If I don't write again soon, you can figure things are still going well for me.... Slowly but surely, I am building on my faith.
Things may change for me at work... in that I'll have to go into the office 3-4 times a week instead of the 2x I do now. It's a bummer but not really a heartbreaker. It's a job that pays fairly well, and I have a vanpool with people I actually like (most of them most of the time).
Long story short (or short story short).... This is a short blog cuz there's nothing new. In this case, no news is basically good news and I will thank God for that. If I don't write again soon, you can figure things are still going well for me.... Slowly but surely, I am building on my faith.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Go Jack!
Today we had baptisms at church. Most of the time, we have young kids (elementary school age) and young adults. Maybe the teens are at the stage where they've already been baptized, or they are too "cool" to consider putting God at the center of their lives. This is opposite of my old church I grew up with, but that's a story for another day. Today Jack got baptized. I greet him every week, and he usually has his Bible and a big smile. He's about 60 years old and my daughter would like him as a "cute lil old man." Anyway, he got baptized and I was so happy for him. I think it's great when somebody acknowledges Jesus in their life during the later years. It's different than the "deathbed baptisms" because Jack seems really healthy and "chipper." I'm just not used to seeing folks his age get dunked (literally).
The message today before baptism centered around how believers are to be the ambassadors of Jesus. Seeing Jack get baptized also reminded me of my parents and how I don't think they are clear on their beliefs. I think they believe in a higher power, just not necessarily God/Jesus. They both were baptized in my old church a bajillion years ago, and they both led Sunday Schools and/or youth groups... but they definitely are not practicing Christians at this point. How can I be an ambassador to them without being pushy and turning them away? When my mother-in-law died, my nephew mentioned that he was happy she was baptized a week before she died... but how he was a bit ashamed that he had never tried to talk to her about it before then. I have so many family members and friends that I know I should be an ambassador to... I just need to pray for His instructions on how to do it...
The message today before baptism centered around how believers are to be the ambassadors of Jesus. Seeing Jack get baptized also reminded me of my parents and how I don't think they are clear on their beliefs. I think they believe in a higher power, just not necessarily God/Jesus. They both were baptized in my old church a bajillion years ago, and they both led Sunday Schools and/or youth groups... but they definitely are not practicing Christians at this point. How can I be an ambassador to them without being pushy and turning them away? When my mother-in-law died, my nephew mentioned that he was happy she was baptized a week before she died... but how he was a bit ashamed that he had never tried to talk to her about it before then. I have so many family members and friends that I know I should be an ambassador to... I just need to pray for His instructions on how to do it...
Saturday, June 4, 2011
RW From Dead End to Deliverance
What do you do while you're waiting for God's Deliverance?
1) Remember what God can do.
The situation may be out of your control, but its' not out of God's control. When you face things that are out of your control, you need more than a positive mental attitude. You need faith in God.
Too often we forget what God has already done for us, during our lifetime and with his ultimate sacrifice of Jesus.
God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, and Abraham was prepared to do just that... but God stopped him and said He wasn't really going to let Abraham sacrifice him. He was just testing him. That story and Job's story always bugged me because it seemed "twisted" for God to mess with people just to test them. Now I remember that it is just an example of how God ended up sacrificing his own son, and this story illustrates how hard that is.
2) Rely on what God has said
How do you you know when hope is dead? You start using the word "never."
3) Face the facts with faith.
Faith is not denying reality. Faith is facing the facts without being discouraged by them.
4) Expect God to deliver me
What are you expecting God to do? God works in your life according to your expectation. The ultimate for of faith is thanking God in advance for what he is going to do.
This seems odd to me because it assumes God is going to do something for me... but I guess that's the point. God will do something for my benefit, it just may not be something I am asking for (because I sometimes ask for things that may not be good for me).
THREE KINDS OF DELIVERANCE
Circumstantial
Personal
Heaven
1) Remember what God can do.
The situation may be out of your control, but its' not out of God's control. When you face things that are out of your control, you need more than a positive mental attitude. You need faith in God.
Too often we forget what God has already done for us, during our lifetime and with his ultimate sacrifice of Jesus.
God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, and Abraham was prepared to do just that... but God stopped him and said He wasn't really going to let Abraham sacrifice him. He was just testing him. That story and Job's story always bugged me because it seemed "twisted" for God to mess with people just to test them. Now I remember that it is just an example of how God ended up sacrificing his own son, and this story illustrates how hard that is.
2) Rely on what God has said
How do you you know when hope is dead? You start using the word "never."
3) Face the facts with faith.
Faith is not denying reality. Faith is facing the facts without being discouraged by them.
4) Expect God to deliver me
What are you expecting God to do? God works in your life according to your expectation. The ultimate for of faith is thanking God in advance for what he is going to do.
This seems odd to me because it assumes God is going to do something for me... but I guess that's the point. God will do something for my benefit, it just may not be something I am asking for (because I sometimes ask for things that may not be good for me).
THREE KINDS OF DELIVERANCE
Circumstantial
Personal
Heaven
Friday, May 27, 2011
RW How to Deal with Difficulty
Three Keys to Dealing with Difficulty
Key 1) Determine the Reason. Ask: What caused this?
Usually one of 4 reasons:
You brought it on yourself
Other people caused the problem
Satan caused it
God caused it
Three common mistakes:
We listen to bad advice
We follow the crowd
We rely on circumstances (and go with the flow)
Key 2: Determine the Result
Ask: What does God want me to learn?
No matter what, don't give up. Grow up and look up to Him.
Key 3: Determine my response.
Ask: How should I react?
What happened to you is not as important as what happens in you.
The Wrong Response to Difficulty
Don't drift - don't give up on dreams and goals.
Don't discard (values, heritage, relationships)
Don't despair
The Right Response to Difficulty
Confess my part. What are you pretending is not a problem?
Confront it head on.
Claim a Promise. You may be going through a storm right now, and your ship may not make it. But YOU will make it. You may have to get to shore on a broken piece of the ship, but you're going to make it because God is with you. Don't give up.
Many times people think that becoming a Christian will make everything all better and life will be smooth. Nowhere in the Bible does God say you are guaranteed a home, job, good health, etc here on earth. The promise is after this life, and part of my problem is seeing beyond this world.
Key 1) Determine the Reason. Ask: What caused this?
Usually one of 4 reasons:
You brought it on yourself
Other people caused the problem
Satan caused it
God caused it
Three common mistakes:
We listen to bad advice
We follow the crowd
We rely on circumstances (and go with the flow)
Key 2: Determine the Result
Ask: What does God want me to learn?
No matter what, don't give up. Grow up and look up to Him.
Key 3: Determine my response.
Ask: How should I react?
What happened to you is not as important as what happens in you.
The Wrong Response to Difficulty
Don't drift - don't give up on dreams and goals.
Don't discard (values, heritage, relationships)
Don't despair
The Right Response to Difficulty
Confess my part. What are you pretending is not a problem?
Confront it head on.
Claim a Promise. You may be going through a storm right now, and your ship may not make it. But YOU will make it. You may have to get to shore on a broken piece of the ship, but you're going to make it because God is with you. Don't give up.
Many times people think that becoming a Christian will make everything all better and life will be smooth. Nowhere in the Bible does God say you are guaranteed a home, job, good health, etc here on earth. The promise is after this life, and part of my problem is seeing beyond this world.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
RW Delayed by Design
This was the small group DVD #4 for our "Everything is Possible with God" series. I am an impatient person by nature, so this was another good message for me. Main points...
God uses delays to Prepare us.
God uses delays to Test us.
When you're in delay,
Don't Fear.
Fear keeps you in the wilderness and prolongs the delay. I can see that fear paralyzes people sometimes, and that keeps them from doing what they need to.
Don't Fret.
Resting can be an act of faith. It means you're waiting on God.
My mom used to call me a Worry Wart when I was little, and I guess I still am. I have a tendency to try to figure out all the worst case scenarios and find a solution for them. I need to stop worrying, and worship and have faith in Him instead.
Don't Faint
Don't settle for less than God's best for your life. Instead of fainting, you need to be persistent and pray. I guess I have a tendency for this also. I don't always keep praying for direction, and instead just go with the flow. Maybe the flow is right, but I definitely need to pray more.
Don't Forget
People in America have short memories. We are blessed with things and we're thankful for a week, then forget about it. It's actually the same with tragedies unfortunately. We send money to people hit by earthquakes etc, but forget about it within a month or so. In this case, we need to remember the things God has blessed us with and know that He will bless us again (just maybe not for a while).
God uses delays to Prepare us.
God uses delays to Test us.
When you're in delay,
Don't Fear.
Fear keeps you in the wilderness and prolongs the delay. I can see that fear paralyzes people sometimes, and that keeps them from doing what they need to.
Don't Fret.
Resting can be an act of faith. It means you're waiting on God.
My mom used to call me a Worry Wart when I was little, and I guess I still am. I have a tendency to try to figure out all the worst case scenarios and find a solution for them. I need to stop worrying, and worship and have faith in Him instead.
Don't Faint
Don't settle for less than God's best for your life. Instead of fainting, you need to be persistent and pray. I guess I have a tendency for this also. I don't always keep praying for direction, and instead just go with the flow. Maybe the flow is right, but I definitely need to pray more.
Don't Forget
People in America have short memories. We are blessed with things and we're thankful for a week, then forget about it. It's actually the same with tragedies unfortunately. We send money to people hit by earthquakes etc, but forget about it within a month or so. In this case, we need to remember the things God has blessed us with and know that He will bless us again (just maybe not for a while).
Monday, May 16, 2011
RW When You've Come Up Empty
Yesterday's message was about "What to do in a discouraging situation." This could be job, career, relationship status, everything basically. Here are my notes and thoughts...
1) Give Jesus complete access to my life.
A lot of people (me included) like to compartmentalize life. It's okay to act one way in this area of life, but not on Sundays. I don't really do that much anymore, but I used to in my younger partying days. I do need to honor God in my job more. Rather than complain about this or that, I need to either do something constructive about it or accept it and work around it. I need to lead by example as much as possible.
2) Admit that my efforts aren't working.
There are times when I try to force things to go my way, but it isn't working. I'd like to know what God wants me to do with my life, so I try to figure it out on my own. Pastor Jon mentioned that sometimes God speaks through other people, and Pastor Jerry said he wanted to sitd own with me and go over my Class 301 Gifts materials. For some reason, I've been dodging him, but that would probably help if I sat down with somebody who has conducted many of these sessions to help people find their strengths. Seems like a no-brainer which indicates I have no brain or a hard head since I've been dodging him.
3) Obey whatever Jesus tells me to do.
No questions asked, just do it. I'd like to think I'd do it, but I am so stubborn that I can't even hear what He's telling me to do.
4) Expect Jesus to turn things around.
Okay, gotta start reading the Case for Faith book again...
The message centered around the story where the disciples were fishing for 10 hours and caught nothing... but when Jesus gave them instructions, they caught a tonload in 10 minutes. Bottom line: They caught more in 10 minutes with Jesus than they did for 10 hours without.
"According to your faith, it will be done for you."
I need to save time and lean on Him.
1) Give Jesus complete access to my life.
A lot of people (me included) like to compartmentalize life. It's okay to act one way in this area of life, but not on Sundays. I don't really do that much anymore, but I used to in my younger partying days. I do need to honor God in my job more. Rather than complain about this or that, I need to either do something constructive about it or accept it and work around it. I need to lead by example as much as possible.
2) Admit that my efforts aren't working.
There are times when I try to force things to go my way, but it isn't working. I'd like to know what God wants me to do with my life, so I try to figure it out on my own. Pastor Jon mentioned that sometimes God speaks through other people, and Pastor Jerry said he wanted to sitd own with me and go over my Class 301 Gifts materials. For some reason, I've been dodging him, but that would probably help if I sat down with somebody who has conducted many of these sessions to help people find their strengths. Seems like a no-brainer which indicates I have no brain or a hard head since I've been dodging him.
3) Obey whatever Jesus tells me to do.
No questions asked, just do it. I'd like to think I'd do it, but I am so stubborn that I can't even hear what He's telling me to do.
4) Expect Jesus to turn things around.
Okay, gotta start reading the Case for Faith book again...
The message centered around the story where the disciples were fishing for 10 hours and caught nothing... but when Jesus gave them instructions, they caught a tonload in 10 minutes. Bottom line: They caught more in 10 minutes with Jesus than they did for 10 hours without.
"According to your faith, it will be done for you."
I need to save time and lean on Him.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
RW Making Wise Decisions
Okay, so the daily RW thing wasn't going well since some days seem like repeats in a lotta ways. However, Wednesdays' small group DVD thing on "How to Make Wise Decisions" is excellent. I will probably ask to borrow the DVD from my host after the series is over so that my kids can watch it. Rather than "spoil" the whole thing here, I will write down the notes that sprang out at me.
Obviously we need to pray for guidance... and one of the things we should ask ourselves is, "What does God want?" This is a very difficult thing for me because I sometimes try to justify what I want with what God wants... For instance, God wants me to help take care of my parents and keep my marriage happy, so we should probably get a new reliable car rather than put a dent in the CC debt . The debt will be there for a while and we don't get many cash gifts like this class action lawsuit... and it's to help drive my parents around. Hah! Sounds weak now that I write it out, but that's what we did... Kinda late to ask what God wants now.
Another big point: We can 1) learn the hard way from experience and 2) learn more easily through other people's experiences. It's good to get advice from people who have already done what you want to do or are thinking of doing. Sometimes I just don't like asking for advice cuz I feel like I should know or nobody knows me like me... And as Rick Warren said, we'd rather appear wise than be wise. But really, that's just ego talking. I need to start asking for advice more. Even at work, I need to delegate more.
Next... Prepare for problems, but don't try to solve them all ahead of time. Know that there will be problems. Ecclesiastes 11:4 says, "If you wait for perfect conditions, you'll never get anything done." This is so true, although I tend to be somewhat impulsive and wing the problems as they come.
Next... Face your fears. We make excuses when we're afraid and fear paralyzes us into doing nothing. Not making a decision is making a decision.. The antidote to fear is faith... and when you are lacking faith, do it anyway. These are just some of the notes that sprang forward to me.
Now I need to figure out what I am afraid of. I think God wants me to somehow work with youth. I worked with them some when I was at CBC, but it's been a while. I get some exposure through Tae Kwon Do, and I do enjoy being around kids... maybe it's cuz mine are all growed up :( But I haven't committed to doing anything with the youth... so why is that? I've thought about helping to drive kids to the Wednesday teen nights at New Life, but that's usually my Small Group Night... and now I'm thinking about how it would be cool to have an inter-church sports league in the Fairfield-Suisun area... where kids could invite their friends to play on the church team... kinda like how Chinese Christian Union has a basketball league during the summer for all the Chinese churches in SF. So let's see where this kind of idea goes...
Obviously we need to pray for guidance... and one of the things we should ask ourselves is, "What does God want?" This is a very difficult thing for me because I sometimes try to justify what I want with what God wants... For instance, God wants me to help take care of my parents and keep my marriage happy, so we should probably get a new reliable car rather than put a dent in the CC debt . The debt will be there for a while and we don't get many cash gifts like this class action lawsuit... and it's to help drive my parents around. Hah! Sounds weak now that I write it out, but that's what we did... Kinda late to ask what God wants now.
Another big point: We can 1) learn the hard way from experience and 2) learn more easily through other people's experiences. It's good to get advice from people who have already done what you want to do or are thinking of doing. Sometimes I just don't like asking for advice cuz I feel like I should know or nobody knows me like me... And as Rick Warren said, we'd rather appear wise than be wise. But really, that's just ego talking. I need to start asking for advice more. Even at work, I need to delegate more.
Next... Prepare for problems, but don't try to solve them all ahead of time. Know that there will be problems. Ecclesiastes 11:4 says, "If you wait for perfect conditions, you'll never get anything done." This is so true, although I tend to be somewhat impulsive and wing the problems as they come.
Next... Face your fears. We make excuses when we're afraid and fear paralyzes us into doing nothing. Not making a decision is making a decision.. The antidote to fear is faith... and when you are lacking faith, do it anyway. These are just some of the notes that sprang forward to me.
Now I need to figure out what I am afraid of. I think God wants me to somehow work with youth. I worked with them some when I was at CBC, but it's been a while. I get some exposure through Tae Kwon Do, and I do enjoy being around kids... maybe it's cuz mine are all growed up :( But I haven't committed to doing anything with the youth... so why is that? I've thought about helping to drive kids to the Wednesday teen nights at New Life, but that's usually my Small Group Night... and now I'm thinking about how it would be cool to have an inter-church sports league in the Fairfield-Suisun area... where kids could invite their friends to play on the church team... kinda like how Chinese Christian Union has a basketball league during the summer for all the Chinese churches in SF. So let's see where this kind of idea goes...
Saturday, May 7, 2011
RW Day 10
The heart of worship is surrender. It's hard to think of surrendering because it sounds so much like giving up or quitting. But that can be a good thing... Like an alcoholic giving up booze. I'd like to say I could surrender to God, but honestly, I don't think I could've sacrificed a child the way Abraham was ready to sacrifice Isaac. Hopefully I'll never know. In the meantime, I'll focus on surrendering my personal desires for His, and to seek His direction in all I do.
Friday, May 6, 2011
RW Day 9
And Happy 80th Birthday, Willie Mays!
Today's chapter was about how God can be pleased with usin all details of our lives... Not just when we're doing Bible study or other "holy" things like that. It's sort of how we are pleased when we see our kids succeed in their endeavors. So we should worship God by worshippingimin all we do, including our jobs. If we hate our jobs, He'sprobably not gaining any pleasure from our misery... So I guess I need an attitude adjustment sometimes. Of course my ob gets tedious and people annoy me... But I need to remember He is always with me and watching how I treat His other children.
A guy like Willie Mays is amazing and an inspiration to many people... Not just at how great a player he was... But because of the joy he showed when he played... And still shows when he mentors the younger playera now. I've no doubt God is pleased with Willie Mays. I may not be a superstar, but I can try to be a positive influence in the people in my life atwork and at home.
Today's chapter was about how God can be pleased with usin all details of our lives... Not just when we're doing Bible study or other "holy" things like that. It's sort of how we are pleased when we see our kids succeed in their endeavors. So we should worship God by worshippingimin all we do, including our jobs. If we hate our jobs, He'sprobably not gaining any pleasure from our misery... So I guess I need an attitude adjustment sometimes. Of course my ob gets tedious and people annoy me... But I need to remember He is always with me and watching how I treat His other children.
A guy like Willie Mays is amazing and an inspiration to many people... Not just at how great a player he was... But because of the joy he showed when he played... And still shows when he mentors the younger playera now. I've no doubt God is pleased with Willie Mays. I may not be a superstar, but I can try to be a positive influence in the people in my life atwork and at home.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
RW Day 8
Today is about how worship is for God's pleasure, not ours. We are supposed to bring Him pleasure. I thinknHe's fine if we enjoy it too as long as or focus is on Him. I admit that I prefer certain types of music over others and that helps determine which service I go to. Is that bad? Even if it helps me worship more? Now I need to also incorporate worship in my daily activities... Do everything with Him in mind and take joy in all He's blessed me with.
RW Day 7
Day 7 is the reason for everything. Everything is from Him and for Him. Point to ponder: Where in my daily routine can I become more aware of God's glory?
Yesterday's small group focused on finding our God-given purpose/dream, and my weak spot is still dedicating my all to God. It's nice to say I have, but in reality I spend most of my life pursuing worldly tasks and distractions. I rarely spend alone time with God.
So to fuse the two above lessons, I will try to spend some quiet time outdoors where I usually feel His presence more... Just because, to me, His handiwork is in the trees, sky, wind, etc. I can see why Jesus spent time in the wilderness. I will try to dedicate some prayer time in my walks and bike rides in addition to reflecting in this blog.
Yesterday's small group focused on finding our God-given purpose/dream, and my weak spot is still dedicating my all to God. It's nice to say I have, but in reality I spend most of my life pursuing worldly tasks and distractions. I rarely spend alone time with God.
So to fuse the two above lessons, I will try to spend some quiet time outdoors where I usually feel His presence more... Just because, to me, His handiwork is in the trees, sky, wind, etc. I can see why Jesus spent time in the wilderness. I will try to dedicate some prayer time in my walks and bike rides in addition to reflecting in this blog.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
RW Day 6
Today's theme is "This world is not my home" and "Life on earth is temporary."
While reading this chapter, I was reminded that I get swept up in the things of this world... like nice cars, bicycles, Giants games, TV shows, etc. We are not put on earth to pursue personal success and happiness... We are supposed to pursue God's dreams for us. I will admit that I probably spend too much time pursuing personal happiness and distractions... and I need to pursue my relationship and knowledge of God in my life. Everything else will fall in place.
While reading this chapter, I was reminded that I get swept up in the things of this world... like nice cars, bicycles, Giants games, TV shows, etc. We are not put on earth to pursue personal success and happiness... We are supposed to pursue God's dreams for us. I will admit that I probably spend too much time pursuing personal happiness and distractions... and I need to pursue my relationship and knowledge of God in my life. Everything else will fall in place.
RW Days 5
I read the material for Day 5 yesterday, but didn't write about it. Day 5's theme was "Life is a test and a trust."
I don't think God has really tested me very harshly. I have friends/family who have lost parents and spouses, and so far I've been pretty lucky in that regard. I hope I am ready when He does test me, and the Bible says He will not test me past my capabilities. That doesn't mean I will pass though :(
I'm also to think about what He has trusted me with... and the greatest gifts are, of course, my kids. They are grown now and are probably further along the "faith trail" than I am. After all, I'm just now really starting on it whereas the kids (and many of my friends) have been raised with a faith... I think I've done pretty well with the kids, but probably not as well with my parents, friends and even hubby. Again, most folks in my life are fairly comfortable with faith without action. Or in some cases, they believe there is a non-religious God and they try to live good lives. What is my role with these people? Does He have a purpose for me?
I don't think God has really tested me very harshly. I have friends/family who have lost parents and spouses, and so far I've been pretty lucky in that regard. I hope I am ready when He does test me, and the Bible says He will not test me past my capabilities. That doesn't mean I will pass though :(
I'm also to think about what He has trusted me with... and the greatest gifts are, of course, my kids. They are grown now and are probably further along the "faith trail" than I am. After all, I'm just now really starting on it whereas the kids (and many of my friends) have been raised with a faith... I think I've done pretty well with the kids, but probably not as well with my parents, friends and even hubby. Again, most folks in my life are fairly comfortable with faith without action. Or in some cases, they believe there is a non-religious God and they try to live good lives. What is my role with these people? Does He have a purpose for me?
Sunday, May 1, 2011
RW Day 4, Bin Laden Killed
RW Day 4 is about how life on earth is temporary and how it is short in comparison to Eternity.
Today, it's in all the news how Bin Laden has been brought to justice. There are celebrations on the news, yet I don't feel happy or satisfied. Maybe it's because I saw him more as a symbol of evil, and we are a long way off from eradicating evil. Only God can do that. There will be other nutjobs to take Bin Laden's place... And they will all likely serve an eternity in hell also. Is God happy or pleased? He created them also.
Today, it's in all the news how Bin Laden has been brought to justice. There are celebrations on the news, yet I don't feel happy or satisfied. Maybe it's because I saw him more as a symbol of evil, and we are a long way off from eradicating evil. Only God can do that. There will be other nutjobs to take Bin Laden's place... And they will all likely serve an eternity in hell also. Is God happy or pleased? He created them also.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
RW Day 3
Summary: What drives your life? Some people are driven by guilt, resentment and anger, fear, materialism or approval. Knowing your purpose gives meaning to your life, simplifies your life, focuses your life, motivates your life and prepares you for eternity.
You weren't put on earth to be remembered. You were put here to prepare for eternity.
I always think, "Will people remember me? Do I have a legacy?" But the question I should be asking is, "What have you done for Him?"
Many of the people in my small group have mostly Christian friends. I think I have a good number of people in my life who are not practicing Christians. They may believe in God, they may live "good lives," but I don't think they make God the focus of their lives. To be honest, I am like that. People who are so pious and holy often irritate me. They are an inspiration to others, but I find them grating at times... and I wonder if that approach works with unchurched people. I guess I wasn't wired by God to be sweet and holy. I think I was wired to be slightly sarcastic and cynical so that I could relate to His other children that are like me... that need Him but don't yet quite know it. It's a hard line to walk: to see things through these jaded eyes yet still love and have faith in Him.
You weren't put on earth to be remembered. You were put here to prepare for eternity.
I always think, "Will people remember me? Do I have a legacy?" But the question I should be asking is, "What have you done for Him?"
Many of the people in my small group have mostly Christian friends. I think I have a good number of people in my life who are not practicing Christians. They may believe in God, they may live "good lives," but I don't think they make God the focus of their lives. To be honest, I am like that. People who are so pious and holy often irritate me. They are an inspiration to others, but I find them grating at times... and I wonder if that approach works with unchurched people. I guess I wasn't wired by God to be sweet and holy. I think I was wired to be slightly sarcastic and cynical so that I could relate to His other children that are like me... that need Him but don't yet quite know it. It's a hard line to walk: to see things through these jaded eyes yet still love and have faith in Him.
Friday, April 29, 2011
RW Day 2
Today's theme: You are not an accident. God planned you.
While I can initially accept this, I doubt it when I actually think about it. RW talks about how God planned everything and everybody, but that doesn't really address free will. There are obviously teenagers who shouldn't be parents, yet RW is saying God planned it that way. Did He really? Or does He just make the best out of a questionable situation? Did He plan for Judas to turn on Jesus? Does that then mean Judas was screwed from the beginning? If so, I feel sorry for that guy... But then, I have to have faith that God will do right by all His children.
While I can initially accept this, I doubt it when I actually think about it. RW talks about how God planned everything and everybody, but that doesn't really address free will. There are obviously teenagers who shouldn't be parents, yet RW is saying God planned it that way. Did He really? Or does He just make the best out of a questionable situation? Did He plan for Judas to turn on Jesus? Does that then mean Judas was screwed from the beginning? If so, I feel sorry for that guy... But then, I have to have faith that God will do right by all His children.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
RW Day 1
I'm overloading on Rick Warren. I downloaded "Purpose Driven Life" onto my Kindle and we're going through his "Everything is Possible With God" program in Small Group. Today is day one for the Purpose book and yesterday we went through the first of six segments on the Everything DVD and discussion materials. Here's what I've learned so far...
The six phases of Faith are:
Dream - God's dream requires faith
Decision - Nothing is going to happen to your dream until you wake up and put it into action
Delay - Gold will not fulfill your dream immediately. Waiting teaches us to trust God
Difficulty - God uses difficulties to work on your faith and character
Dead End - Dead ends are a part of God's plan for your life
Deliverance - the best response to a dead end is to expect God to act
I have been in search of my dream and purpose for most of my life, and it's finally sunk in that I've been thinking of it as MY dream and purpose... and not God's dream and purpose for me. For now, I will get to know Him better. I will make myself stop all the busy work and have actual quiet time. Writing helps me sort through my thoughts, so this will be my journal. For the next 40 days, I will commit to spending some time in prayer and/or working through the insights God gives me on this blogspot journal. I will try to listen for His direction, dream and purpose for my life. I'm sure that revealing his Dream/Purpose for me will probably take more than 40 days, but this will hopefully help me start some good habits.
The six phases of Faith are:
Dream - God's dream requires faith
Decision - Nothing is going to happen to your dream until you wake up and put it into action
Delay - Gold will not fulfill your dream immediately. Waiting teaches us to trust God
Difficulty - God uses difficulties to work on your faith and character
Dead End - Dead ends are a part of God's plan for your life
Deliverance - the best response to a dead end is to expect God to act
I have been in search of my dream and purpose for most of my life, and it's finally sunk in that I've been thinking of it as MY dream and purpose... and not God's dream and purpose for me. For now, I will get to know Him better. I will make myself stop all the busy work and have actual quiet time. Writing helps me sort through my thoughts, so this will be my journal. For the next 40 days, I will commit to spending some time in prayer and/or working through the insights God gives me on this blogspot journal. I will try to listen for His direction, dream and purpose for my life. I'm sure that revealing his Dream/Purpose for me will probably take more than 40 days, but this will hopefully help me start some good habits.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
It's like Penny...
Penny was my friends' 14-yr-old golden retriever who stayed with us when her owners went out of town. The last time she stayed with us, her owners went to New York for a funeral. Penny wasn't sick or anything, just old... And one morning she just didn't wake up... She just went to sleep and that's how we found her the next day. I felt bad and my co-worker said the same thing happened when he watched his parents' dog. He and I agreed that dogs probably hold on for their owners, but feel free to "go" when they don't have the pressure of being there for the owners. Penny stayed with us a lot and felt comfortable with us, but she probably knew we'd handle her death a little easier than her owners would.
I think people are like that too. My mother-in-law held on for quite a bit during her last week or two. She knew her time was coming, but I think she was worried about how we'd all be with her dying. She got baptized on a Sunday and died the following Thursday (Thanksgiving). We all knew it was coming and reassured her everything would be okay... Nobody would fight over property over belongings and we'd all take care of each other.
Now my friend's dad is very sick. He has fought off death a few times in the past two months, but I get the sense that he'd like to let go.... but is afraid to devastate his wife and son. I don't know if the parents are Christian, but my friend is probably more in the range of "believing in God but not necessarily a Christian or Jewish God." He has asked me to pray for them and of course I always do... but I don't think I pray for what my friend wants. My friend wants his dad to stay alive.... and I pray that his dad is relieved of pain and suffering, that they all seek God for help and direction. I asked him if I could come to the hospital to lend them moral support, but he said now's not a good time (but he'd take a raincheck). I know my pastor said that sometimes we just need to show up anyway, but I really don't want to step on toes either. I'm not family and the man is in ICU. For now, I'll wait to hear from my friend again, and continue to pray....
I think people are like that too. My mother-in-law held on for quite a bit during her last week or two. She knew her time was coming, but I think she was worried about how we'd all be with her dying. She got baptized on a Sunday and died the following Thursday (Thanksgiving). We all knew it was coming and reassured her everything would be okay... Nobody would fight over property over belongings and we'd all take care of each other.
Now my friend's dad is very sick. He has fought off death a few times in the past two months, but I get the sense that he'd like to let go.... but is afraid to devastate his wife and son. I don't know if the parents are Christian, but my friend is probably more in the range of "believing in God but not necessarily a Christian or Jewish God." He has asked me to pray for them and of course I always do... but I don't think I pray for what my friend wants. My friend wants his dad to stay alive.... and I pray that his dad is relieved of pain and suffering, that they all seek God for help and direction. I asked him if I could come to the hospital to lend them moral support, but he said now's not a good time (but he'd take a raincheck). I know my pastor said that sometimes we just need to show up anyway, but I really don't want to step on toes either. I'm not family and the man is in ICU. For now, I'll wait to hear from my friend again, and continue to pray....
Thursday, April 7, 2011
In a Blink of an Eye...
Thousand of people died. Natural disasters or "Acts of God" can take out thousands at a time and turn people's worlds upside down. While I'm worrying about how to make more money to pay off debts, many people have lost their families and homes to an earthquake, tsunami or some other crazy thing. Makes me feel pretty petty and wasteful when I sit down and think what others have lost in Haiti, Japan, New Orleans or wherever. I guess we really should try to live each day to its fullest and not be so self-absorbed.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
That's not fair!
That's what I'd say to my mom... And she'd say, "Life's not fair."
Really? I still have a problem with this. In small group, we discussed times when we want what other people have... Like keeping up with the Joneses. I have a friend who always has to have the new toy, or car or house even. I laugh at people like that... But there are times when I wish I had somebody else's faith. Not necessarily the gushy pious kind... Just the kind where I am solid and have no doubts.
I wonder if I am doing enough with my life and if God is pleased. On the other hand, thinking that I'm not doing enough may seem a little uppity. What makes me think I am equipped or meant to do more? I enjoy my work and life. There are parts that need work, of course, but that is probably the case with most people. I guess we're meant to focus on God no matter where we are in life. Paul was in prison and still managed to do that. He could've said, "After all the great work I've done, it's not fair for me to suffer and die in prison." but still he persevered and didn't lose faith. So I guess it's kinda petty of me to think, "I wish I had THAT kind of faith." i need to get off my lazy butt and start seeking Him through His word and prayer. The rest of my faith and life will come together.
Really? I still have a problem with this. In small group, we discussed times when we want what other people have... Like keeping up with the Joneses. I have a friend who always has to have the new toy, or car or house even. I laugh at people like that... But there are times when I wish I had somebody else's faith. Not necessarily the gushy pious kind... Just the kind where I am solid and have no doubts.
I wonder if I am doing enough with my life and if God is pleased. On the other hand, thinking that I'm not doing enough may seem a little uppity. What makes me think I am equipped or meant to do more? I enjoy my work and life. There are parts that need work, of course, but that is probably the case with most people. I guess we're meant to focus on God no matter where we are in life. Paul was in prison and still managed to do that. He could've said, "After all the great work I've done, it's not fair for me to suffer and die in prison." but still he persevered and didn't lose faith. So I guess it's kinda petty of me to think, "I wish I had THAT kind of faith." i need to get off my lazy butt and start seeking Him through His word and prayer. The rest of my faith and life will come together.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
They Started Well...
I've been following the Giants during this cactus league spring training, and they started really well... but the last few games have been pretty bad... especially since Lincecum and Cain were pitching... our two "aces." I know it doesn't count towards the regular season record, but it makes me worry a bit about how it seems like they're coming apart.
Some folks might consider me a fair weather fan since I just started following them (again) last season. I skipped the Bonds year, and pretty much most of the years since the baseball strike, and started following these guys. They just seemed like a great bunch of guys - no superstars, but just a good team when they come together. Lincecum was not pitching well in July and August when I started watching, and none of the pitchers were throwing well in August... so that's my argument against me being a fair weather fan. I could've just gave up on them then. Lincecum didn't start pitching well again until September and I was already hooked by then anyway.
Now I look at my blog record, and I noticed that I "started well" too... and now only blog every once in a blue moon. Is my faith the same way? I find so much "good TV" and I'm not reading as much as I ought to...so I have nothing I think about or blog about or pray about. It probably will get even worse when baseball season officially starts. Hmmm... what shall I do to fix this problem?
Some folks might consider me a fair weather fan since I just started following them (again) last season. I skipped the Bonds year, and pretty much most of the years since the baseball strike, and started following these guys. They just seemed like a great bunch of guys - no superstars, but just a good team when they come together. Lincecum was not pitching well in July and August when I started watching, and none of the pitchers were throwing well in August... so that's my argument against me being a fair weather fan. I could've just gave up on them then. Lincecum didn't start pitching well again until September and I was already hooked by then anyway.
Now I look at my blog record, and I noticed that I "started well" too... and now only blog every once in a blue moon. Is my faith the same way? I find so much "good TV" and I'm not reading as much as I ought to...so I have nothing I think about or blog about or pray about. It probably will get even worse when baseball season officially starts. Hmmm... what shall I do to fix this problem?
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
MIA
Wow, where have I been? Just running around between work and everything, I guess. Don't know if I've "been still" like I wanted to be in my last post... but I have been chatting with God more during my bike rides and dogwalks. Since gas is skyrocketing again, I've been riding my bike to the transportation center to catch the vanpool to San Ramon. It's nice and quiet in the mornings. When I ride home, I go on a bikepath that used to be a railroad track (it's now paved over). There are a lot of homeless people around, but they are friendly and smile when they see my watermelon helmet. Makes me thankful for all I'm blessed with.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Be Still...
... and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)
I'm a Project Manager, at work and at home. I always like to do stuff, I like to multi-task, I like to stay on the move. Our small group discussed hearing God's whisper, and I was a bit stunned because I couldn't remember the last time I may have heard His whisper (if at all). Maybe His whisper was an instinct I had to go somewhere on a whim instead of what I'd been planning, and I just didn't recognize His voice. On the way home from small group, my friend mentioned that we run around so much that we're never still or quiet enough to hear His voice.
I ask myself why I'm always running around instead of relaxing and being still. If I were to be honest, I guess I'm a bit of a control freak. It's not a label I want, but it's probably correct. I don't like to ride with my daughter while she's driving even though she's fine behind the wheel... but I just feel like I have no control. I like to run around and keep doing things or taking care of things so that I don't have to worry about it. But really... Maybe God just wants me to be still and trust Him instead of doing it all myself. People come to me with relationship issues or career issues, and I don't really know what to tell them... except to follow God's direction. That probably just frustrates them because, like me, they're so busy trying to take care of their business that they can't hear Him. In the end, I think that means we don't trust Him. We think, "God helps those who help themselves." This may be true to some extent, but there comes a point that we need to stop running around looking for answers... and we need to focus on Him and trust Him to show us the way.
I've never been one for "quiet time" at camp because I thought it was a big waste of time. But now I think I need to give this QT thing a try lol... Maybe I'll hear His voice, at the very least comforting me and letting me know everything will be okay.
I'm a Project Manager, at work and at home. I always like to do stuff, I like to multi-task, I like to stay on the move. Our small group discussed hearing God's whisper, and I was a bit stunned because I couldn't remember the last time I may have heard His whisper (if at all). Maybe His whisper was an instinct I had to go somewhere on a whim instead of what I'd been planning, and I just didn't recognize His voice. On the way home from small group, my friend mentioned that we run around so much that we're never still or quiet enough to hear His voice.
I ask myself why I'm always running around instead of relaxing and being still. If I were to be honest, I guess I'm a bit of a control freak. It's not a label I want, but it's probably correct. I don't like to ride with my daughter while she's driving even though she's fine behind the wheel... but I just feel like I have no control. I like to run around and keep doing things or taking care of things so that I don't have to worry about it. But really... Maybe God just wants me to be still and trust Him instead of doing it all myself. People come to me with relationship issues or career issues, and I don't really know what to tell them... except to follow God's direction. That probably just frustrates them because, like me, they're so busy trying to take care of their business that they can't hear Him. In the end, I think that means we don't trust Him. We think, "God helps those who help themselves." This may be true to some extent, but there comes a point that we need to stop running around looking for answers... and we need to focus on Him and trust Him to show us the way.
I've never been one for "quiet time" at camp because I thought it was a big waste of time. But now I think I need to give this QT thing a try lol... Maybe I'll hear His voice, at the very least comforting me and letting me know everything will be okay.
Monday, February 21, 2011
The Epidemic
I'm starting to read a child-rearing book called "The Epidemic." I know it's a little late, but I'm curious to see what we did right and what we did wrong... and maybe we can use what I learn to help raise my grandkids or grandcats. Some of the things we did right - Don't let your child enjoy all the TV, videos and video games he/she wants. Don't facilitate your child's ascent into the world of consumerism. Don't accommodate his endless urges for the latest, coolest, most attractive, most superficial things.
There's a few more things we did right and probably a few we did wrong... but I want to concentrate on these things as it's an epidemic that has now reached adulthood. The book was written in 2004 after the Columbine shootings, and the writer talks about how disconnected these kids were in order to do something like shooting up a school and killing other kids. I think its cuz they get lost in these TV's, video games, internet, etc... and don't learn to deal with people. If those kids were still alive, they would be about 30... and there are many about that age who I work with now.
My old co-worker and friend died over the weekend. I hadn't seen him in a while, but I've always thought highly of him and the kind of guy he was. And that made me think about how the work environment has changed for adults because of technology. For me, work was always enjoyable because of the people I work with and the relationships I've formed. When I started at AT&T, the working environment was such that you had to have some social skills to survive. There were groups of 5-10 people working together for 12 hours straight, 3 days in a row, sometimes graveyard. There were no cubicle walls and you had to deal with each other face to face. You saw these folks all your waking hours during half the week, and chances are you interacted with them more than you did your spouse. It was great and I miss those days.
Now I am a Project Manager and deal with people in the Midwest, East Coast, and even India or Philippines. Communication is done mostly by email, instant messages and internet meetings. People are shocked when I actually call them on the phone because I'm too impatient to waste time waiting for messages or emails that are being ignored. At work, you are not supposed to ignore a phone call unless you are on the phone. I think that's an unwritten rule. But somehow it's okay for people to ignore IM's or emails, go figure. If they are in my building, I make a point to go meet them in person so that there is a "face" they can associate with the emails/IM's... and maybe it will be harder for them to ignore me. Anyway, since the market is now saturated with young 30-yr-old techies who grew up with electronic devices, computers, etc, it seems a lot of them prefer to use these devices rather than the ol telephone or face-to-face... and that makes me sad.
Some of the greatest people I've met have been through work. What will make work fun for these 30-yr-olds who interact through cold machines? If I have to find another career, I would probably find something more service-oriented because I like some interaction. I'm kind of an introvert, but I do like to like people.
There's a few more things we did right and probably a few we did wrong... but I want to concentrate on these things as it's an epidemic that has now reached adulthood. The book was written in 2004 after the Columbine shootings, and the writer talks about how disconnected these kids were in order to do something like shooting up a school and killing other kids. I think its cuz they get lost in these TV's, video games, internet, etc... and don't learn to deal with people. If those kids were still alive, they would be about 30... and there are many about that age who I work with now.
My old co-worker and friend died over the weekend. I hadn't seen him in a while, but I've always thought highly of him and the kind of guy he was. And that made me think about how the work environment has changed for adults because of technology. For me, work was always enjoyable because of the people I work with and the relationships I've formed. When I started at AT&T, the working environment was such that you had to have some social skills to survive. There were groups of 5-10 people working together for 12 hours straight, 3 days in a row, sometimes graveyard. There were no cubicle walls and you had to deal with each other face to face. You saw these folks all your waking hours during half the week, and chances are you interacted with them more than you did your spouse. It was great and I miss those days.
Now I am a Project Manager and deal with people in the Midwest, East Coast, and even India or Philippines. Communication is done mostly by email, instant messages and internet meetings. People are shocked when I actually call them on the phone because I'm too impatient to waste time waiting for messages or emails that are being ignored. At work, you are not supposed to ignore a phone call unless you are on the phone. I think that's an unwritten rule. But somehow it's okay for people to ignore IM's or emails, go figure. If they are in my building, I make a point to go meet them in person so that there is a "face" they can associate with the emails/IM's... and maybe it will be harder for them to ignore me. Anyway, since the market is now saturated with young 30-yr-old techies who grew up with electronic devices, computers, etc, it seems a lot of them prefer to use these devices rather than the ol telephone or face-to-face... and that makes me sad.
Some of the greatest people I've met have been through work. What will make work fun for these 30-yr-olds who interact through cold machines? If I have to find another career, I would probably find something more service-oriented because I like some interaction. I'm kind of an introvert, but I do like to like people.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Stinky Dog
Suki was smelling like a stinky 125-lb dog... Since we're trying to be frugal, I decided to try the local grooming salon's self-bathing section. For $15-20, you can use their tubs, warm water, shampoo, towels and power dryers. I usually pay them to do it and leave her there for 5 hours... but I thought I'd just try to get the preliminary stink off, then take her for the pro job in the spring when she really blows her coat. I was there about 1.5 hours and she definitely looks better. I was sitting by my hubby when he suddenly said, "Suki, you still smell!" We looked around and Suki wasn't in the room. I think I was the stinky one.... Maybe I was all along?
Obviously it's probably because I washed her and didn't change out of my clothes yet... but it did make me ponder how we sometimes see others' faults when they are so often the same as our own. We're more than happy to ignore our own funk.
Obviously it's probably because I washed her and didn't change out of my clothes yet... but it did make me ponder how we sometimes see others' faults when they are so often the same as our own. We're more than happy to ignore our own funk.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Bum Knee
My weird knee is so unpredictable. Every once in a while, it hurts for no known reason. I messed it up pretty bad 20 years ago and tore 2/3 of my left ACL.. but I've been able to do a clean-up surgery on it and it's been pretty good as long as I don't do too much crazy stuff on it. But yesterday and today, a little twinge came back. It's not cuz I did anything to make it sore. It's not even sore really... but rather just twinges every now and then... as if there's some tiny bone fragment scraping up against every once in a while. Usually a couple days of just easy walking and cycling (no running or jumping) will usually move that fragment out of the painful spot... but what happens when that doesn't do the trick?
Yesterday at work, I had a pretty bad limp. Today I woke up with it being a bit better, so I know I should be pretty good by tomorrow. For some reason, my mother-in-law has been on my mind a lot this weekend. Could be cuz another uncle died last week, and we were discussing family stuff today... But it made me remember how vital and energetic she was when she babysat the kids. She would give them piggyback rides up and down the stairs and take them for walks.
But after she "retired" when she was 72, she seemed to slow down quite a bit... and we stood by her as she suffered knee pain, falls and countless visits to doctors and hospitals... far more than she ever wanted or probably ever imagined. I think it drove her crazy because she liked having things done a certain way, and she wasn't physically capable of doing it that way anymore. To make matters worse, she had to watch us do things our way which of course wasn't up to her standards. She did mention in one of her later years that she had loosened her standards.
I really love to be active, but this old knee twinge just reminded me that I won't always be able to do the things I want. How ironic is it that, when you retire and have time to do stuff, you're not physically capable to do it all anymore? I'd like to think that I have great genes (because my parents are pretty healthy), but I still won't be able to do what I do now. Heck, I can't even do what I did 20 years ago. How will I manage 20 years from now? Will I be frustrated and angry? Hopefully I'll have some grandkids to take the sting out of aging. If not, Lindsay has promised to supply many cats.
Yesterday at work, I had a pretty bad limp. Today I woke up with it being a bit better, so I know I should be pretty good by tomorrow. For some reason, my mother-in-law has been on my mind a lot this weekend. Could be cuz another uncle died last week, and we were discussing family stuff today... But it made me remember how vital and energetic she was when she babysat the kids. She would give them piggyback rides up and down the stairs and take them for walks.
But after she "retired" when she was 72, she seemed to slow down quite a bit... and we stood by her as she suffered knee pain, falls and countless visits to doctors and hospitals... far more than she ever wanted or probably ever imagined. I think it drove her crazy because she liked having things done a certain way, and she wasn't physically capable of doing it that way anymore. To make matters worse, she had to watch us do things our way which of course wasn't up to her standards. She did mention in one of her later years that she had loosened her standards.
I really love to be active, but this old knee twinge just reminded me that I won't always be able to do the things I want. How ironic is it that, when you retire and have time to do stuff, you're not physically capable to do it all anymore? I'd like to think that I have great genes (because my parents are pretty healthy), but I still won't be able to do what I do now. Heck, I can't even do what I did 20 years ago. How will I manage 20 years from now? Will I be frustrated and angry? Hopefully I'll have some grandkids to take the sting out of aging. If not, Lindsay has promised to supply many cats.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Foul-Weather Friends
My girls have known this kid since middle school. He lived down the block and we did a lot with him... Carpool, band, bbq's, etc. One of my kids even took him to a prom. We thought of him like family and we thought we'd always be in touch. But when he got into college and got a gf, he had issues with his mom and then dropped off the face of the earth. Every now and then, we'd hear from the mom but nothing from the kid. Fast-forward a few years... Recently he contacted my girls and the other girls down the block. Evidently he and the gf broke up and he was miserable... He apologized for being MIA, but mostly I think he just wanted someone to vent to.
I have friends like that too. When things are going good with their lives or relationships, I don't hear anything. It's literally "No news is good news." I only hear from them when there are relationship issues or a family member is sick, etc.
I used to wonder why people going through hardship sometimes have more faith in God than the people who have relatively easy lives. Maybe it's because they go to Him more like my foul-weather friends only come to me when things are lousy. Is that His only way of getting people's attention? I try to talk to Him every day several times a day... but it's more of a quick chat now and then. I don't really have that quiet time other folks have where they lock themselves up and just spend 1x1 time with Him. Which is better? I guess it doesn't matter since I can do both.
I have friends like that too. When things are going good with their lives or relationships, I don't hear anything. It's literally "No news is good news." I only hear from them when there are relationship issues or a family member is sick, etc.
I used to wonder why people going through hardship sometimes have more faith in God than the people who have relatively easy lives. Maybe it's because they go to Him more like my foul-weather friends only come to me when things are lousy. Is that His only way of getting people's attention? I try to talk to Him every day several times a day... but it's more of a quick chat now and then. I don't really have that quiet time other folks have where they lock themselves up and just spend 1x1 time with Him. Which is better? I guess it doesn't matter since I can do both.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Empty Mind
I haven't posted much lately because I haven't had much on my mind outside of getting healthy and doing my job at AT&T. I finally made it back to Tae Kwon Do last night and was working out with my instructor/buddy. We were practicing this combo (a series of techniques to be executed in a certain sequence). It was one of those block-parry-strike-strike things. Remembering the sequence isn't hard, but having to adjust to your attacker was difficult. For instance, if they attacked with the right hand, then you had to do the sequence starting with your left side... and if they attacked with the left hand, then you had to start the sequence with your right. So it takes some reaction time too. We were getting mixed up and all, then we decided to just go with an "Empty Mind."
In martial arts, you can go with a beginner's mind, a focused mind, or an empty mind. Beginner's Mind is when you approach whatever you're doing as if it's the first time you've ever done it (even though you may have done that particular punch or kick a zillion times over the course of twenty years). With focused mind, you just concentrate on what you're doing and blocking out everything else. Empty mind is just letting reactions work and doing what seems natural. After having done the sequence several times on each side already (without a partner), our bodies should've memorized what do... so we decided to stop overthinking "should I use my left or right hand first?" We used our empty minds and just let our bodies and "muscle memory" take over. It was easy after that.
This makes me wonder if there is ever such a thing with "Empty Mind" with Christianity. I have friends that were born into families where the faith was ingrained in them, and they never had doubts. I guess they can have Empty Mind, but I doubt I ever will.
In martial arts, you can go with a beginner's mind, a focused mind, or an empty mind. Beginner's Mind is when you approach whatever you're doing as if it's the first time you've ever done it (even though you may have done that particular punch or kick a zillion times over the course of twenty years). With focused mind, you just concentrate on what you're doing and blocking out everything else. Empty mind is just letting reactions work and doing what seems natural. After having done the sequence several times on each side already (without a partner), our bodies should've memorized what do... so we decided to stop overthinking "should I use my left or right hand first?" We used our empty minds and just let our bodies and "muscle memory" take over. It was easy after that.
This makes me wonder if there is ever such a thing with "Empty Mind" with Christianity. I have friends that were born into families where the faith was ingrained in them, and they never had doubts. I guess they can have Empty Mind, but I doubt I ever will.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Ghetto or Chinatown?
My daughter's boyfriend's mother made me cookies. That was real nice, but kinda random. She (Dawnell)told Linz that she saw me walking our big dog, and then made me cookies lol. That made me pause and wonder what she saw that would drive her to bake me cookies.
I've been sick, so I've been throwing on a cap and a puffy hooded blue jacket with holey wind pants that my nephew handed down to me 7 years ago. He was going to take em to Goodwill, but I saved em from "the bag" just in time. Anyway, I digress. So if I were to see myself dressed like this with the huge 125 bear dog, I would kind of be reminded of those ghetto kids who wear baggy clothes...or I could be like one of those old ladies in Chinatown who wear mismatched pajama clothes and funny hats. The ghetto kids annoy me cuz they walk really slow, especially when crossing the street while you wait at the stop sign. The old Chinatown ladies annoy me, especially when they're elbowing you and forcing themselves on an overcrowded street. Both ghetto punks and Chinatown old ladies hock their loogies right in front of you too. Since I'm still sick, I hock a loogie here and there when walking the dogs too. So now I wonder if Dawnell saw me hock a loogie and if she thinks I'm ghetto or Chinatown. Definitely pathetic since she baked me cookies.
I guess this is just a reminder that people do see me. I don't know why, but I just forget that. I doubt I will change my clothes, but I probably will look around before hocking a loogie. But whether Dawnell sees me or not, God still sees me hock a loogie... And sees me do all the good and awful things I do throughout my days. I suppose I should be more mindful of His presence.
I've been sick, so I've been throwing on a cap and a puffy hooded blue jacket with holey wind pants that my nephew handed down to me 7 years ago. He was going to take em to Goodwill, but I saved em from "the bag" just in time. Anyway, I digress. So if I were to see myself dressed like this with the huge 125 bear dog, I would kind of be reminded of those ghetto kids who wear baggy clothes...or I could be like one of those old ladies in Chinatown who wear mismatched pajama clothes and funny hats. The ghetto kids annoy me cuz they walk really slow, especially when crossing the street while you wait at the stop sign. The old Chinatown ladies annoy me, especially when they're elbowing you and forcing themselves on an overcrowded street. Both ghetto punks and Chinatown old ladies hock their loogies right in front of you too. Since I'm still sick, I hock a loogie here and there when walking the dogs too. So now I wonder if Dawnell saw me hock a loogie and if she thinks I'm ghetto or Chinatown. Definitely pathetic since she baked me cookies.
I guess this is just a reminder that people do see me. I don't know why, but I just forget that. I doubt I will change my clothes, but I probably will look around before hocking a loogie. But whether Dawnell sees me or not, God still sees me hock a loogie... And sees me do all the good and awful things I do throughout my days. I suppose I should be more mindful of His presence.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sick of being sick
Okay, I've been sick for over two weeks now, and it's been a long time since I've been sick so long. Just another reminder that I'm aging. Usually I don't think about midlife crisis or getting old because I look at my parents and their siblings, and they all seem pretty fit for their ages (70s and 80s). This is now starting to change for them, but hey, they are a good 20-30 years ahead of me, right?
On the other hand, they didn't grow up with all the fast food, booze and drugs I used... So I guess I shouldn't really expect their lifespan and health. The main thing this makes me contemplate is how I spend the rest of my life. Do I do as I've been doing and just take things as they come? Or do I try to plan it out? I guess I should just plan on concentrating on God and see what He brings me. Being a fairly new Christian, I need to focus on learning more about Him and His word. For the immediate future, I will stop doing too much too soon so I can get healthy again.
On the other hand, they didn't grow up with all the fast food, booze and drugs I used... So I guess I shouldn't really expect their lifespan and health. The main thing this makes me contemplate is how I spend the rest of my life. Do I do as I've been doing and just take things as they come? Or do I try to plan it out? I guess I should just plan on concentrating on God and see what He brings me. Being a fairly new Christian, I need to focus on learning more about Him and His word. For the immediate future, I will stop doing too much too soon so I can get healthy again.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
How to Be Rich
I didn't go to New Life again today since my cold/cough is still lingering, and I don't want to spread germs to the seniors or those battling cancer, etc. We're doing a series on How to Be Rich, so I watched the Lifechurch.tv session here
http://www.lifechurch.tv/watch/how-to-be-rich/3
Now that I call myself a Christian, I can't fallback on the, "I give, but not the full 10% cuz I don't know if I really believe" excuse. It's sad that the average American only gives 3% to charity... and while I can say I give more than 3%, I can't say I give 10% of our household income.
But anyway, these series also don't talk about how to address married people who may not have the same financial goals (ie, maybe my spouse thinks it's crazy to give away 10%). My friend married a non-Christian and I know they had "discussions" about it. They moved to Vegas and it's not an issue anymore since she doesn't have a "local church" to tithe to. I married a Christian, and I still don't know if he'd be on board with giving the full 10%. Just the other day, he was telling me how his dream is to get a minivan. That's not a big dream, and I started feeling bad... Partly cuz I know we can't afford it (we have some credit card debt to pay off as well as a mortgage)... and partly cuz I'd been thinking about how we could use some of our tax return to pay off debt, and hadn't really thought about how hubby would like to spend the money.
It was interesting how the pastor talked about how we scheme about how to make money or how to spend money.... but we rarely scheme to GIVE money. I will try to scheme up more ways to increase my tithe while paying off my debt. I wish the series would talk more about how to do that. Maybe next week? In the meantime, common sense should rule and I should stay vigilant in not spending carelessly... and seeking His will for the resources He's blessed us with.
http://www.lifechurch.tv/watch/how-to-be-rich/3
Now that I call myself a Christian, I can't fallback on the, "I give, but not the full 10% cuz I don't know if I really believe" excuse. It's sad that the average American only gives 3% to charity... and while I can say I give more than 3%, I can't say I give 10% of our household income.
But anyway, these series also don't talk about how to address married people who may not have the same financial goals (ie, maybe my spouse thinks it's crazy to give away 10%). My friend married a non-Christian and I know they had "discussions" about it. They moved to Vegas and it's not an issue anymore since she doesn't have a "local church" to tithe to. I married a Christian, and I still don't know if he'd be on board with giving the full 10%. Just the other day, he was telling me how his dream is to get a minivan. That's not a big dream, and I started feeling bad... Partly cuz I know we can't afford it (we have some credit card debt to pay off as well as a mortgage)... and partly cuz I'd been thinking about how we could use some of our tax return to pay off debt, and hadn't really thought about how hubby would like to spend the money.
It was interesting how the pastor talked about how we scheme about how to make money or how to spend money.... but we rarely scheme to GIVE money. I will try to scheme up more ways to increase my tithe while paying off my debt. I wish the series would talk more about how to do that. Maybe next week? In the meantime, common sense should rule and I should stay vigilant in not spending carelessly... and seeking His will for the resources He's blessed us with.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Another year gone by...
Whenever one of my kids, nieces or nephews has a birthday, I usually draw a stick figure cartoon of them and their higlights for the year. If I were to make such a card for myself, I'd poke fun of my first Christmas tree (since it's the first time I can say I believe in Jesus Christ without doubting the words as they leave my lips)... This was the year my nest un-emptied when Linz graduated and came back home... And it was the year I rediscovered the Giants and they won the World Series for the first time while in SF!
I loved the Giants as a kid, and I worked for their radio station KNBR back when I wanted to get into broadcasting. My time there ended on a not-so-great (but not-so-bad either) note... And I never really liked Barry Bonds cuz he seemed like a jerk to me... So I stopped following the Giants and KNBR up until July. They were still in second or third in the west division, but watching them in Tahoe with my cousins reminded me of when we watched as kids. I got to see some of the players and these guys really seemed down-to-earth and friendly... Not at all jerky or arrogant. I went to a few games last year and that clinched it. I am a fan... Whether they do it again or not, I will cheer for these guys. They were the underdogs and they are still underestimated... But that's okay cuz I know they have heart.
Same with God... I am a Christian for good... And if/when those old doubts start creeping up, I'll review "The Case for Christ" and "The Case for Faith"... And I'll talk to Him and read His word....
I loved the Giants as a kid, and I worked for their radio station KNBR back when I wanted to get into broadcasting. My time there ended on a not-so-great (but not-so-bad either) note... And I never really liked Barry Bonds cuz he seemed like a jerk to me... So I stopped following the Giants and KNBR up until July. They were still in second or third in the west division, but watching them in Tahoe with my cousins reminded me of when we watched as kids. I got to see some of the players and these guys really seemed down-to-earth and friendly... Not at all jerky or arrogant. I went to a few games last year and that clinched it. I am a fan... Whether they do it again or not, I will cheer for these guys. They were the underdogs and they are still underestimated... But that's okay cuz I know they have heart.
Same with God... I am a Christian for good... And if/when those old doubts start creeping up, I'll review "The Case for Christ" and "The Case for Faith"... And I'll talk to Him and read His word....
Friday, January 14, 2011
No More Phone Booths
Still reflecting on that Wonder Years episode when Kevin wanted to tell his dad's boss to jump in a lake... but instead answered, "Whatever you say, Ken."
I remember being known as a pretty spirited kid and very outspoken. My language was rotten which only made it worse. I would say whatever was on my mind and I would say it right away. Wonder Years made me wonder when that ended. I was happy, loud, rowdy and fun (usually)... but that changed one day in a phone booth in Chinatown in front of the majestic St Mary's Catholic Church on Grant Street.
I was about 20 when I went into the phone booth to call my friend, and this Italian-looking guy with grey Mafia hair and a brown suit pulled me out, closed the door and just stood there. About five seconds lapsed and he didn't even pickup the phone to make a call. So not-so-bright-me pounded on the glass and yelled, "ARE YOU GONNA USE THE DAMN PHONE NOW THAT YOU SHOVED ME OUT AND FORCED YOUR ASS IN?"
The "old guy" (in hindsight, he was probably only 50) moved pretty rapidly outa there, grabbed my lapels and got me off my heels (I actually wore those once upon a time. Maybe that's why I hate em now) and shoved me down the block about 5 feet. Surprisingly I landed on my feet, while hundreds of my Chinese brethren scurried across the street and away from my activity. No Catholic church-goers were coming to my rescue either... Yet I still shouted, "YOU'RE SUCH A F***'IN A$$H***!!!" He took a step towards me and asked, "You want more?" Still noticing that no help was coming, I meekly muttered, "No" and went on my way.
That's when I learned that there were times I needed to keep my mouth shut for survival. And it's a lesson that's served me well throughout life. I can't just say whatever crosses my mind to my co-workers, friends or family members. Of course there are days when I miss the crazy spirited girl I was, but I had to grow up eventually. Now all my un-PC thoughts go to Jesus in prayer... since He already knows my horrible thoughts anyway. I'm thankful He loves me anyway and helps me through those dark moments.
I remember being known as a pretty spirited kid and very outspoken. My language was rotten which only made it worse. I would say whatever was on my mind and I would say it right away. Wonder Years made me wonder when that ended. I was happy, loud, rowdy and fun (usually)... but that changed one day in a phone booth in Chinatown in front of the majestic St Mary's Catholic Church on Grant Street.
I was about 20 when I went into the phone booth to call my friend, and this Italian-looking guy with grey Mafia hair and a brown suit pulled me out, closed the door and just stood there. About five seconds lapsed and he didn't even pickup the phone to make a call. So not-so-bright-me pounded on the glass and yelled, "ARE YOU GONNA USE THE DAMN PHONE NOW THAT YOU SHOVED ME OUT AND FORCED YOUR ASS IN?"
The "old guy" (in hindsight, he was probably only 50) moved pretty rapidly outa there, grabbed my lapels and got me off my heels (I actually wore those once upon a time. Maybe that's why I hate em now) and shoved me down the block about 5 feet. Surprisingly I landed on my feet, while hundreds of my Chinese brethren scurried across the street and away from my activity. No Catholic church-goers were coming to my rescue either... Yet I still shouted, "YOU'RE SUCH A F***'IN A$$H***!!!" He took a step towards me and asked, "You want more?" Still noticing that no help was coming, I meekly muttered, "No" and went on my way.
That's when I learned that there were times I needed to keep my mouth shut for survival. And it's a lesson that's served me well throughout life. I can't just say whatever crosses my mind to my co-workers, friends or family members. Of course there are days when I miss the crazy spirited girl I was, but I had to grow up eventually. Now all my un-PC thoughts go to Jesus in prayer... since He already knows my horrible thoughts anyway. I'm thankful He loves me anyway and helps me through those dark moments.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Wonder Years
Since I was too sick to go to Tae Kwon Do or walk the dogs or ride my bike... I've been watching mondo TV. I caught an episode of Wonder Years and it reminded me of how that was such a great show. Tonight's episode depicted how money stresses us and jobs/bosses stress us. I guess some things are just timeless. The show also covered how we sometimes have to shove aside our pride to keep the job or whatever. It sucks how it sometimes breaks our spirit, but we have to remember that our spirit is not reliant on our job or finances. Ironically we've been discussing "how to be rich" at church, and how we in the US are amongst the world's most privileged. Kevin learned to appreciate all his dad does to provide what he can to the family... And I learned to appreciate all that God has given me.
P.S. I'm still a little sad that the Warriors lost to the Lakers after leading through four quarters.
P.S. I'm still a little sad that the Warriors lost to the Lakers after leading through four quarters.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Just like brushing teeth...
I remember my Uncle Gene told me that exercising is like brushing teeth to him - he has to do it every day or he doesn't feel right. I'm kind of like that too cuz I like to go outside, get fresh air and sweat. In one of his more drunken moments, I remember my brother whining, "I hate brushing my teeth." Okay, that was a bit of a sidebar (about my brother) since the main point of today's "thought" is that going to church has become like brushing my teeth.
Many of my friends and family members are "spiritual but not religious" on facebook. And if they're not on facebook, many of them basically subscribe to that "live and let live" philosophy. I did too until fairly recently. While I've attended church since I was a teen (with a few breaks here and there), I can't say that I actually missed it when I took a break. Now I do. Is it because of the music, pastor's message or possibility of seeing/meeting new people? Those who know me it's certainly not the last since I'm really kind of a church recluse. I bet most people don't know who I am, especially if I've never greeted them at the 8:30 service. Oops, that was another sidebar.
Anyway, I think the real reason I miss church (when I don't go) is because I miss the chance to really feel God's presence. While I know He's everywhere and I love chatting with Him on my bike rides, there's just something different when there are others worshiping Him at the same time. Maybe it reminds me that I'm not alone in this walk, and that we all seek and love Jesus. The times I have missed church, I've tried to watch a message online... but it just doesn't resonate the same. Even in this tech-y online world, I still need some human interaction even if I don't have an actual conversation with the person next to me. I'd like it if all my friends and family went to church all the time, but like all things "Free Will," I can't force it. It's hard to explain to them what worshiping does for me, and I only want the same for them....
Many of my friends and family members are "spiritual but not religious" on facebook. And if they're not on facebook, many of them basically subscribe to that "live and let live" philosophy. I did too until fairly recently. While I've attended church since I was a teen (with a few breaks here and there), I can't say that I actually missed it when I took a break. Now I do. Is it because of the music, pastor's message or possibility of seeing/meeting new people? Those who know me it's certainly not the last since I'm really kind of a church recluse. I bet most people don't know who I am, especially if I've never greeted them at the 8:30 service. Oops, that was another sidebar.
Anyway, I think the real reason I miss church (when I don't go) is because I miss the chance to really feel God's presence. While I know He's everywhere and I love chatting with Him on my bike rides, there's just something different when there are others worshiping Him at the same time. Maybe it reminds me that I'm not alone in this walk, and that we all seek and love Jesus. The times I have missed church, I've tried to watch a message online... but it just doesn't resonate the same. Even in this tech-y online world, I still need some human interaction even if I don't have an actual conversation with the person next to me. I'd like it if all my friends and family went to church all the time, but like all things "Free Will," I can't force it. It's hard to explain to them what worshiping does for me, and I only want the same for them....
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Rose colored glasses
I always joke with my friend Sherry about what a rosey life I lead... No real hardships and lots of blessings. I had a great childhood and youth, great family and friends... It never ceases to amaze me how those who go through trials and tribulations seem to have more faith in God than people like me. With all that I've been blessed with, why isn't my faith a "no-brainer"? It seems like it's always the Jobs of this world that just KNOW God is there.
I really don't understand it; it seems backwards to me. Shouldn't those who suffer doubt a God who would allow such pain? Or maybe they do, but don't wanna risk ticking God off and consequently getting more pain. I also wonder why God doesn't give me more challenges, and maybe lighten the load of my loved ones who have hardships. I would rather help carry the load than watch them suffer. But I guess that isn't in my hands. All I can do is be there for folks as much as I can and pray. I feel so hopeless... But it's a reminder that I'm not God.
I really don't understand it; it seems backwards to me. Shouldn't those who suffer doubt a God who would allow such pain? Or maybe they do, but don't wanna risk ticking God off and consequently getting more pain. I also wonder why God doesn't give me more challenges, and maybe lighten the load of my loved ones who have hardships. I would rather help carry the load than watch them suffer. But I guess that isn't in my hands. All I can do is be there for folks as much as I can and pray. I feel so hopeless... But it's a reminder that I'm not God.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Poor Mew...
Poor misunderstood Mew... I'm her only friend in the house. Geoff and the girls secretly like her, but it's such a secret that she doesn't know it. Consequently, she's kinda mean and hissy all the time. The other night, she was crying for attention outside my door, and I ignored her because I was exhausted and needed some sleep. Eventually she gave up, but Linz said she stayed outside my door a bit longer. Now I feel really bad.
It makes me wonder how many people go through life like Mew. They pretend they don't care about others and try to be independent. They think they are living on their own and calling their own shots... And really life would be much more pleasant if they let down their guards and let other people and God into their lives to help. It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help; sometimes it actually takes quite a bit of strength to admit you need help. We all do. If Mew would let others take care of her besides me, she would be so much happier (especially if I'm too tired to even just sit with her in my lap). It's a good thing God is never too tired for us.
It makes me wonder how many people go through life like Mew. They pretend they don't care about others and try to be independent. They think they are living on their own and calling their own shots... And really life would be much more pleasant if they let down their guards and let other people and God into their lives to help. It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help; sometimes it actually takes quite a bit of strength to admit you need help. We all do. If Mew would let others take care of her besides me, she would be so much happier (especially if I'm too tired to even just sit with her in my lap). It's a good thing God is never too tired for us.
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