RW Day 3

Summary: What drives your life? Some people are driven by guilt, resentment and anger, fear, materialism or approval.  Knowing your purpose gives meaning to your life, simplifies your life, focuses your life, motivates your life and prepares you for eternity.

You weren't put on earth to be remembered. You were put here to prepare for eternity.

I always think, "Will people remember me? Do I have a legacy?"  But the question I should be asking is, "What have you done for Him?"

Many of the people in my small group have mostly Christian friends.  I think I have a good number of people in my life who are not practicing Christians.  They may believe in God, they may live "good lives," but I don't think they make God the focus of their lives.   To be honest, I am like that.  People who are so pious and holy often irritate me.  They are an inspiration to others, but I find them grating at times... and I wonder if that approach works with unchurched people.  I guess I wasn't wired by God to be sweet and holy.  I think I was wired to be slightly sarcastic and cynical so that I could relate to His other children that are like me... that need Him but don't yet quite know it.  It's a hard line to walk: to see things through these jaded eyes yet still love and have faith in Him.

RW Day 2

Today's theme: You are not an accident.  God planned you.

While I can initially accept this, I doubt it when I actually think about it.  RW talks about how God planned everything and everybody, but that doesn't really address free will.  There are obviously teenagers who shouldn't be parents, yet RW is saying God planned it that way.  Did He really?  Or does He just make the best out of a questionable situation?  Did He plan for Judas to turn on Jesus?  Does that then mean Judas was screwed from the beginning?  If so, I feel sorry for that guy...  But then, I have to have faith that God will do right by all His children.

RW Day 1

I'm overloading on Rick Warren.  I downloaded "Purpose Driven Life" onto my Kindle and we're going through his "Everything is Possible With God" program in Small Group.  Today is day one for the Purpose book and yesterday we went through the first of six segments on the Everything DVD and discussion materials.  Here's what I've learned so far...

The six phases of Faith are:
Dream - God's dream requires faith
Decision - Nothing is going to happen to your dream until you wake up and put it into action
Delay - Gold will not fulfill your dream immediately. Waiting teaches us to trust God
Difficulty - God uses difficulties to work on your faith and character
Dead End - Dead ends are a part of God's plan for your life
Deliverance - the best response to a dead end is to expect God to act

I have been in search of my dream and purpose for most of my life, and it's finally sunk in that I've been thinking of it as MY dream and purpose... and not God's dream and purpose for me.  For now, I will get to know Him better.  I will make myself stop all the busy work and have actual quiet time.  Writing helps me sort through my thoughts, so this will be my journal.  For the next 40 days, I will commit to spending some time in prayer and/or working through the insights God gives me on this blogspot journal.  I will try to listen for His direction, dream and purpose for my life.  I'm sure that revealing his Dream/Purpose for me will probably take more than 40 days, but this will hopefully help me start some good habits.

It's like Penny...

Penny was my friends' 14-yr-old golden retriever who stayed with us when her owners went out of town.  The last time she stayed with us, her owners went to New York for a funeral.  Penny wasn't sick or anything, just old... And one morning she just didn't wake up...  She just went to sleep and that's how we found her the next day.  I felt bad and my co-worker said the same thing happened when he watched his parents' dog.  He and I agreed that dogs probably hold on for their owners, but feel free to "go" when they don't have the pressure of being there for the owners.  Penny stayed with us a lot and felt comfortable with us, but she probably knew we'd handle her death a little easier than her owners would.

I think people are like that too.  My mother-in-law held on for quite a bit during her last week or two.  She knew her time was coming, but I think she was worried about how we'd all be with her dying.  She got baptized on a Sunday and died the following Thursday (Thanksgiving).  We all knew it was coming and reassured her everything would be okay... Nobody would fight over property over belongings and we'd all take care of each other.

Now my friend's dad is very sick.  He has fought off death a few times in the past two months, but I get the sense that he'd like to let go.... but is afraid to devastate his wife and son.  I don't know if the parents are Christian, but my friend is probably more in the range of "believing in God but not necessarily a Christian or Jewish God."  He has asked me to pray for them and of course I always do... but I don't think I pray for what my friend wants.  My friend wants his dad to stay alive.... and I pray that his dad is relieved of pain and suffering, that they all seek God for help and direction.  I asked him if I could come to the hospital to lend them moral support, but he said now's not a good time (but he'd take a raincheck).  I know my pastor said that sometimes we just need to show up anyway, but I really don't want to step on toes either.  I'm not family and the man is in ICU.  For now, I'll wait to hear from my friend again, and continue to pray....

In a Blink of an Eye...

Thousand of people died.  Natural disasters or "Acts of God" can take out thousands at a time and turn people's worlds upside down.  While I'm worrying about how to make more money to pay off debts, many people have lost their families and homes to an earthquake, tsunami or some other crazy thing.  Makes me feel pretty petty and wasteful when I sit down and think what others have lost in Haiti, Japan, New Orleans or wherever.  I guess we really should try to live each day to its fullest and not be so self-absorbed.

That's not fair!

That's what I'd say to my mom... And she'd say, "Life's not fair."

Really? I still have a problem with this. In small group, we discussed times when we want what other people have... Like keeping up with the Joneses. I have a friend who always has to have the new toy, or car or house even. I laugh at people like that... But there are times when I wish I had somebody else's faith. Not necessarily the gushy pious kind... Just the kind where I am solid and have no doubts.

I wonder if I am doing enough with my life and if God is pleased. On the other hand, thinking that I'm not doing enough may seem a little uppity. What makes me think I am equipped or meant to do more? I enjoy my work and life. There are parts that need work, of course, but that is probably the case with most people. I guess we're meant to focus on God no matter where we are in life. Paul was in prison and still managed to do that. He could've said, "After all the great work I've done, it's not fair for me to suffer and die in prison." but still he persevered and didn't lose faith. So I guess it's kinda petty of me to think, "I wish I had THAT kind of faith." i need to get off my lazy butt and start seeking Him through His word and prayer. The rest of my faith and life will come together.

They Started Well...

I've been following the Giants during this cactus league spring training, and they started really well...  but the last few games have been pretty bad... especially since Lincecum and Cain were pitching... our two "aces."  I know it doesn't count towards the regular season record, but it makes me worry a bit about how it seems like they're coming apart.

Some folks might consider me a fair weather fan since I just started following them (again) last season.  I skipped the Bonds year, and pretty much most of the years since the baseball strike, and started following these guys.  They just seemed like a great bunch of guys - no superstars, but just a good team when they come together.  Lincecum was not pitching well in July and August when I started watching, and none of the pitchers were throwing well in August... so that's my argument against me being a fair weather fan.  I could've just gave up on them then.  Lincecum didn't start pitching well again until September and I was already hooked by then anyway.

Now I look at my blog record, and I noticed that I "started well" too... and now only blog every once in a blue moon.  Is my faith the same way?  I find so much "good TV" and I'm not reading as much as I ought to...so I have nothing I think about or blog about or pray about.  It probably will get even worse when baseball season officially starts. Hmmm... what shall I do to fix this problem?

MIA

Wow, where have I been?  Just running around between work and everything, I guess.  Don't know if I've "been still" like I wanted to be in my last post... but I have been chatting with God more during my bike rides and dogwalks.  Since gas is skyrocketing again, I've been riding my bike to the transportation center to catch the vanpool to San Ramon.  It's nice and quiet in the mornings.  When I ride home, I go on a bikepath that used to be a railroad track (it's now paved over).  There are a lot of homeless people around, but they are friendly and smile when they see my watermelon helmet.  Makes me thankful for all I'm blessed with.

Be Still...

...  and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)

I'm a Project Manager, at work and at home.  I always like to do stuff, I like to multi-task, I like to stay on the move.  Our small group discussed hearing God's whisper, and I was a bit stunned because I couldn't remember the last time I may have heard His whisper (if at all).  Maybe His whisper was an instinct I had to go somewhere on a whim instead of what I'd been planning, and I just didn't recognize His voice.  On the way home from small group, my friend mentioned that we run around so much that we're never still or quiet enough to hear His voice.

I ask myself why I'm always running around instead of relaxing and being still.  If I were to be honest, I guess I'm a bit of a control freak.  It's not a label I want, but it's probably correct.  I don't like to ride with my daughter while she's driving even though she's fine behind the wheel... but I just feel like I have no control.  I like to run around and keep doing things or taking care of things so that I don't have to worry about it.  But really... Maybe God just wants me to be still and trust Him instead of doing it all myself.  People come to me with relationship issues or career issues, and I don't really know what to tell them... except to follow God's direction.  That probably just frustrates them because, like me, they're so busy trying to take care of their business that they can't hear Him.  In the end, I think that means we don't trust Him.  We think, "God helps those who help themselves."  This may be true to some extent, but there comes a point that we need to stop running around looking for answers... and we need to focus on Him and trust Him to show us the way.

I've never been one for "quiet time" at camp because I thought it was a big waste of time.  But now I think I need to give this QT thing a try lol...  Maybe I'll hear His voice, at the very least comforting me and letting me know everything will be okay.

The Epidemic

I'm starting to read a child-rearing book called "The Epidemic."  I know it's a little late, but I'm curious to see what we did right and what we did wrong... and maybe we can use what I learn to help raise my grandkids or grandcats.  Some of the things we did right - Don't let your child enjoy all the TV, videos and video games he/she wants. Don't facilitate your child's ascent into the world of consumerism.  Don't accommodate his endless urges for the latest, coolest, most attractive, most superficial things.

There's a few more things we did right and probably a few we did wrong... but I want to concentrate on these things as it's an epidemic that has now reached adulthood.  The book was written in 2004 after the Columbine shootings, and the writer talks about how disconnected these kids were in order to do something like shooting up a school and killing other kids. I think its cuz they get lost in these TV's, video games, internet, etc... and don't learn to deal with people. If those kids were still alive, they would be about 30... and there are many about that age who I work with now.

My old co-worker and friend died over the weekend.  I hadn't seen him in a while, but I've always thought highly of him and the kind of guy he was.  And that made me think about how the work environment has changed for adults because of technology.  For me, work was always enjoyable because of  the people I work with and the relationships I've formed. When I started  at AT&T, the working environment was such that you had to have some social skills to survive.  There were groups of 5-10 people working together for 12 hours straight, 3 days in a row, sometimes graveyard. There were no cubicle walls and you had to deal with each other face to face.  You saw these folks all your waking hours during half the week, and chances are you interacted with them more than you did your spouse.  It was great and I miss those days.

Now I am a Project Manager and deal with people in the Midwest, East Coast, and even India or Philippines.  Communication is done mostly by email, instant messages and internet meetings.  People are shocked when I actually call them on the phone because I'm too impatient to waste time waiting for messages or emails that are being ignored.  At work, you are not supposed to ignore a phone call unless you are on the phone.  I think that's an unwritten rule.  But somehow it's okay for people to ignore IM's or emails, go figure. If they are in my building, I make a point to go meet them in person so that there is a "face" they can associate with the emails/IM's... and maybe it will be harder for them to ignore me.  Anyway, since the market is now saturated with young 30-yr-old techies who grew up with electronic devices, computers, etc, it seems a lot of them prefer to use these devices rather than the ol telephone or face-to-face... and that makes me sad.

Some of the greatest people I've met have been through work.  What will make work fun for these 30-yr-olds who interact through cold machines?  If I have to find another career, I would probably find something more service-oriented because I like some interaction.  I'm kind of an introvert, but I do like to like people.

Stinky Dog

Suki was smelling like a stinky 125-lb dog... Since we're trying to be frugal, I decided to try the local grooming salon's self-bathing section.  For $15-20, you can use their tubs, warm water, shampoo, towels and power dryers.  I usually pay them to do it and leave her there for 5 hours... but I thought I'd just try to get the preliminary stink off, then take her for the pro job in the spring when she really blows her coat.  I was there about 1.5 hours and she definitely looks better.  I was sitting by my hubby when he suddenly said, "Suki, you still smell!"  We looked around and Suki wasn't in the room.  I think I was the stinky one.... Maybe I was all along?

Obviously it's probably because I washed her and didn't change out of my clothes yet... but it did make me ponder how we sometimes see others' faults when they are so often the same as our own.  We're more than happy to ignore our own funk.

Bum Knee

My weird knee is so unpredictable.  Every once in a while, it hurts for no known reason.  I messed it up pretty bad 20 years ago and tore 2/3 of my left ACL.. but I've been able to do a clean-up surgery on it and it's been pretty good as long as I don't do too much crazy stuff on it.  But yesterday and today, a little twinge came back.  It's not cuz I did anything  to make it sore.  It's not even sore really... but rather just twinges every now and then... as if there's some tiny bone fragment scraping up against every once in a while.  Usually a couple days of just easy walking and cycling (no running or jumping) will usually move that fragment out of the painful spot... but what happens when that doesn't do the trick?

Yesterday at work, I had a pretty bad limp.  Today I woke up with it being a bit better, so I know I should be pretty good by tomorrow.  For some reason, my mother-in-law has been on my mind a lot this weekend.  Could be cuz another uncle died last week, and we were discussing family stuff today...  But it made me remember how vital and energetic she was when she babysat the kids.  She would give them piggyback rides up and down the stairs and take them for walks.

But after she "retired" when she was 72, she seemed to slow down quite a bit... and we stood by her as she suffered knee pain, falls and countless visits to doctors and hospitals... far more than she ever wanted or probably ever imagined.  I think it drove her crazy because she liked having things done a certain way, and she wasn't physically capable of doing it that way anymore.  To make matters worse, she had to watch us do things our way which of course wasn't up to her standards.  She did mention in one of her later years that she had loosened her standards.

I really love to be active, but this old knee twinge just reminded me that I won't always be able to do the things I want. How ironic is it that, when you retire and have time to do stuff, you're not physically capable to do it all anymore?  I'd like to think that I have great genes (because my parents are pretty healthy), but I still won't be able to do what I do now.  Heck, I can't even do what I did 20 years ago.  How will I manage 20 years from now?  Will I be frustrated and angry?  Hopefully I'll have some grandkids to take the sting out of aging.  If not, Lindsay has promised to supply many cats.

Foul-Weather Friends

My girls have known this kid since middle school.  He lived down the block and we did a lot with him...  Carpool, band, bbq's, etc.  One of my kids even took him to a prom.  We thought of him like family and we thought we'd always be in touch.  But when he got into college and got a gf, he had issues with his mom and then dropped off the face of the earth.  Every now and then, we'd hear from the mom but nothing from the kid.  Fast-forward a few years...  Recently he contacted my girls and the other girls down the block.  Evidently he and the gf broke up and he was miserable... He apologized for being MIA, but mostly I think he just wanted someone to vent to.

I have friends like that too.  When things are going good with their lives or relationships, I don't hear anything.  It's literally "No news is good news."  I only hear from them when there are relationship issues or a family member is sick, etc. 

I used to wonder why people going through hardship sometimes have more faith in God than the people who have relatively easy lives.  Maybe it's because they go to Him more like my foul-weather friends only come to me when things are lousy.  Is that His only way of getting people's attention?  I try to talk to Him every day several times a day... but it's more of a quick chat now and then.  I don't really have that quiet time other folks have where they lock themselves up and just spend 1x1 time with Him.  Which is better?  I guess it doesn't matter since I can do both.