Sick of being sick

Okay, I've been sick for over two weeks now, and it's been a long time since I've been sick so long. Just another reminder that I'm aging. Usually I don't think about midlife crisis or getting old because I look at my parents and their siblings, and they all seem pretty fit for their ages (70s and 80s). This is now starting to change for them, but hey, they are a good 20-30 years ahead of me, right?

On the other hand, they didn't grow up with all the fast food, booze and drugs I used... So I guess I shouldn't really expect their lifespan and health. The main thing this makes me contemplate is how I spend the rest of my life. Do I do as I've been doing and just take things as they come? Or do I try to plan it out? I guess I should just plan on concentrating on God and see what He brings me. Being a fairly new Christian, I need to focus on learning more about Him and His word. For the immediate future, I will stop doing too much too soon so I can get healthy again.

How to Be Rich

I didn't go to New Life again today since my cold/cough is still lingering, and I don't want to spread germs to the seniors or those battling cancer, etc.  We're doing a series on How to Be Rich, so I watched the Lifechurch.tv session here

http://www.lifechurch.tv/watch/how-to-be-rich/3

Now that I call myself a Christian, I can't fallback on the, "I give, but not the full 10% cuz I don't know if I really believe" excuse.  It's sad that the average American only gives 3% to charity... and while I can say I give more than 3%, I can't say I give 10% of our household income. 

But anyway, these series also don't talk about how to address married people who may not have the same financial goals (ie, maybe my spouse thinks it's crazy to give away 10%).  My friend married a non-Christian and I know they had "discussions" about it.  They moved to Vegas and it's not an issue anymore since she doesn't have a "local church" to tithe to. I married a Christian, and I still don't know if he'd be on board with giving the full 10%.  Just the other day, he was telling me how his dream is to get a minivan.  That's not a big dream, and I started feeling bad...  Partly cuz I know we can't afford it (we have some credit card debt to pay off as well as a mortgage)... and partly cuz I'd been thinking about how we could use some of our tax return to pay off debt, and hadn't really thought about how hubby would like to spend the money.

It was interesting how the pastor talked about how we scheme about how to make money or how to spend money.... but we rarely scheme to GIVE money.  I will try to scheme up more ways to increase my tithe while paying off my debt.  I wish the series would talk more about how to do that.  Maybe next week?  In the meantime, common sense should rule and I should stay vigilant in not spending carelessly... and seeking His will for the resources He's blessed us with.

Another year gone by...

Whenever one of my kids, nieces or nephews has a birthday, I usually draw a stick figure cartoon of them and their higlights for the year. If I were to make such a card for myself, I'd poke fun of my first Christmas tree (since it's the first time I can say I believe in Jesus Christ without doubting the words as they leave my lips)... This was the year my nest un-emptied when Linz graduated and came back home... And it was the year I rediscovered the Giants and they won the World Series for the first time while in SF!

I loved the Giants as a kid, and I worked for their radio station KNBR back when I wanted to get into broadcasting. My time there ended on a not-so-great (but not-so-bad either) note... And I never really liked Barry Bonds cuz he seemed like a jerk to me... So I stopped following the Giants and KNBR up until July. They were still in second or third in the west division, but watching them in Tahoe with my cousins reminded me of when we watched as kids. I got to see some of the players and these guys really seemed down-to-earth and friendly... Not at all jerky or arrogant. I went to a few games last year and that clinched it. I am a fan... Whether they do it again or not, I will cheer for these guys. They were the underdogs and they are still underestimated... But that's okay cuz I know they have heart.

Same with God... I am a Christian for good... And if/when those old doubts start creeping up, I'll review "The Case for Christ" and "The Case for Faith"... And I'll talk to Him and read His word....

No More Phone Booths

Still reflecting on that Wonder Years episode when Kevin wanted to tell his dad's boss to jump in a lake... but instead answered, "Whatever you say, Ken." 

I remember being known as a pretty spirited kid and very outspoken.  My language was rotten which only made it worse.  I would say whatever was on my mind and I would say it right away.  Wonder Years made me wonder when that ended.  I was happy, loud, rowdy and fun (usually)... but that changed one day in a phone booth in Chinatown in front of the majestic St Mary's Catholic Church on Grant Street.

I was about 20 when I went into the phone booth to call my friend, and this Italian-looking guy with grey Mafia hair and a brown suit pulled me out, closed the door and just stood there.  About five seconds lapsed and he didn't even pickup the phone to make a call.  So not-so-bright-me pounded on the glass and yelled, "ARE YOU GONNA USE THE DAMN PHONE NOW THAT YOU SHOVED ME OUT AND FORCED YOUR ASS IN?"

The "old guy" (in hindsight, he was probably only 50) moved pretty rapidly outa there, grabbed my lapels and got me off my heels (I actually wore those once upon a time. Maybe that's why I hate em now) and shoved me down the block about 5 feet.  Surprisingly I landed on my feet, while hundreds of my Chinese brethren scurried across the street and away from my activity.  No Catholic church-goers were coming to my rescue either...  Yet I still shouted, "YOU'RE SUCH A F***'IN A$$H***!!!"  He took a step towards me and asked, "You want more?"  Still noticing that no help was coming, I meekly muttered, "No" and went on my way.

That's when I learned that there were times I needed to keep my mouth shut for survival.  And it's a lesson that's served me well throughout life.  I can't just say whatever crosses my mind to my co-workers, friends or family members.  Of course there are days when I miss the crazy spirited girl I was, but I had to grow up eventually.  Now all my un-PC thoughts go to Jesus in prayer... since He already knows my horrible thoughts anyway.  I'm thankful He loves me anyway and helps me through those dark moments.

Wonder Years

Since I was too sick to go to Tae Kwon Do or walk the dogs or ride my bike... I've been watching mondo TV. I caught an episode of Wonder Years and it reminded me of how that was such a great show. Tonight's episode depicted how money stresses us and jobs/bosses stress us. I guess some things are just timeless. The show also covered how we sometimes have to shove aside our pride to keep the job or whatever. It sucks how it sometimes breaks our spirit, but we have to remember that our spirit is not reliant on our job or finances. Ironically we've been discussing "how to be rich" at church, and how we in the US are amongst the world's most privileged. Kevin learned to appreciate all his dad does to provide what he can to the family... And I learned to appreciate all that God has given me.

P.S. I'm still a little sad that the Warriors lost to the Lakers after leading through four quarters.

Just like brushing teeth...

I remember my Uncle Gene told me that exercising is like brushing teeth to him - he has to do it every day or he doesn't feel right.  I'm kind of like that too cuz I like to go outside, get fresh air and sweat.  In one of his more drunken moments, I remember my brother whining, "I hate brushing my teeth." Okay, that was a bit of a sidebar (about my brother) since the main point of today's "thought" is that going to church has become like brushing my teeth.

Many of my friends and family members are "spiritual but not religious" on facebook. And if they're not on facebook, many of them basically subscribe to that "live and let live" philosophy.  I did too until fairly recently.  While I've attended church since I was a teen (with a few breaks here and there), I can't say that I actually missed it when I took a break.  Now I do.   Is it because of the music, pastor's message or possibility of seeing/meeting new people?  Those who know me it's certainly not the last since I'm really kind of a church recluse.  I bet most people don't know who I am, especially if I've never greeted them at the 8:30 service.  Oops, that was another sidebar.

Anyway, I think the real reason I miss church (when I don't go) is because I miss the chance to really feel God's presence.  While I know He's everywhere and I love chatting with Him on my bike rides, there's just something different when there are others worshiping Him at the same time.  Maybe it reminds me that I'm not alone in this walk, and that we all seek and love Jesus. The times I have missed church, I've tried to watch a message online... but it just doesn't resonate the same.  Even in this tech-y online world, I still need some human interaction even if I don't have an actual conversation with the person next to me.  I'd like it if all my friends and family went to church all the time, but like all things "Free Will," I can't force it. It's hard to explain to them what worshiping does for me, and I only want the same for them....

Rose colored glasses

I always joke with my friend Sherry about what a rosey life I lead... No real hardships and lots of blessings. I had a great childhood and youth, great family and friends... It never ceases to amaze me how those who go through trials and tribulations seem to have more faith in God than people like me. With all that I've been blessed with, why isn't my faith a "no-brainer"? It seems like it's always the Jobs of this world that just KNOW God is there.

I really don't understand it; it seems backwards to me. Shouldn't those who suffer doubt a God who would allow such pain? Or maybe they do, but don't wanna risk ticking God off and consequently getting more pain. I also wonder why God doesn't give me more challenges, and maybe lighten the load of my loved ones who have hardships. I would rather help carry the load than watch them suffer. But I guess that isn't in my hands. All I can do is be there for folks as much as I can and pray. I feel so hopeless... But it's a reminder that I'm not God.

Poor Mew...

Poor misunderstood Mew... I'm her only friend in the house. Geoff and the girls secretly like her, but it's such a secret that she doesn't know it. Consequently, she's kinda mean and hissy all the time. The other night, she was crying for attention outside my door, and I ignored her because I was exhausted and needed some sleep. Eventually she gave up, but Linz said she stayed outside my door a bit longer. Now I feel really bad.

It makes me wonder how many people go through life like Mew. They pretend they don't care about others and try to be independent. They think they are living on their own and calling their own shots... And really life would be much more pleasant if they let down their guards and let other people and God into their lives to help. It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help; sometimes it actually takes quite a bit of strength to admit you need help. We all do. If Mew would let others take care of her besides me, she would be so much happier (especially if I'm too tired to even just sit with her in my lap). It's a good thing God is never too tired for us.