Be Still...

...  and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)

I'm a Project Manager, at work and at home.  I always like to do stuff, I like to multi-task, I like to stay on the move.  Our small group discussed hearing God's whisper, and I was a bit stunned because I couldn't remember the last time I may have heard His whisper (if at all).  Maybe His whisper was an instinct I had to go somewhere on a whim instead of what I'd been planning, and I just didn't recognize His voice.  On the way home from small group, my friend mentioned that we run around so much that we're never still or quiet enough to hear His voice.

I ask myself why I'm always running around instead of relaxing and being still.  If I were to be honest, I guess I'm a bit of a control freak.  It's not a label I want, but it's probably correct.  I don't like to ride with my daughter while she's driving even though she's fine behind the wheel... but I just feel like I have no control.  I like to run around and keep doing things or taking care of things so that I don't have to worry about it.  But really... Maybe God just wants me to be still and trust Him instead of doing it all myself.  People come to me with relationship issues or career issues, and I don't really know what to tell them... except to follow God's direction.  That probably just frustrates them because, like me, they're so busy trying to take care of their business that they can't hear Him.  In the end, I think that means we don't trust Him.  We think, "God helps those who help themselves."  This may be true to some extent, but there comes a point that we need to stop running around looking for answers... and we need to focus on Him and trust Him to show us the way.

I've never been one for "quiet time" at camp because I thought it was a big waste of time.  But now I think I need to give this QT thing a try lol...  Maybe I'll hear His voice, at the very least comforting me and letting me know everything will be okay.

The Epidemic

I'm starting to read a child-rearing book called "The Epidemic."  I know it's a little late, but I'm curious to see what we did right and what we did wrong... and maybe we can use what I learn to help raise my grandkids or grandcats.  Some of the things we did right - Don't let your child enjoy all the TV, videos and video games he/she wants. Don't facilitate your child's ascent into the world of consumerism.  Don't accommodate his endless urges for the latest, coolest, most attractive, most superficial things.

There's a few more things we did right and probably a few we did wrong... but I want to concentrate on these things as it's an epidemic that has now reached adulthood.  The book was written in 2004 after the Columbine shootings, and the writer talks about how disconnected these kids were in order to do something like shooting up a school and killing other kids. I think its cuz they get lost in these TV's, video games, internet, etc... and don't learn to deal with people. If those kids were still alive, they would be about 30... and there are many about that age who I work with now.

My old co-worker and friend died over the weekend.  I hadn't seen him in a while, but I've always thought highly of him and the kind of guy he was.  And that made me think about how the work environment has changed for adults because of technology.  For me, work was always enjoyable because of  the people I work with and the relationships I've formed. When I started  at AT&T, the working environment was such that you had to have some social skills to survive.  There were groups of 5-10 people working together for 12 hours straight, 3 days in a row, sometimes graveyard. There were no cubicle walls and you had to deal with each other face to face.  You saw these folks all your waking hours during half the week, and chances are you interacted with them more than you did your spouse.  It was great and I miss those days.

Now I am a Project Manager and deal with people in the Midwest, East Coast, and even India or Philippines.  Communication is done mostly by email, instant messages and internet meetings.  People are shocked when I actually call them on the phone because I'm too impatient to waste time waiting for messages or emails that are being ignored.  At work, you are not supposed to ignore a phone call unless you are on the phone.  I think that's an unwritten rule.  But somehow it's okay for people to ignore IM's or emails, go figure. If they are in my building, I make a point to go meet them in person so that there is a "face" they can associate with the emails/IM's... and maybe it will be harder for them to ignore me.  Anyway, since the market is now saturated with young 30-yr-old techies who grew up with electronic devices, computers, etc, it seems a lot of them prefer to use these devices rather than the ol telephone or face-to-face... and that makes me sad.

Some of the greatest people I've met have been through work.  What will make work fun for these 30-yr-olds who interact through cold machines?  If I have to find another career, I would probably find something more service-oriented because I like some interaction.  I'm kind of an introvert, but I do like to like people.

Stinky Dog

Suki was smelling like a stinky 125-lb dog... Since we're trying to be frugal, I decided to try the local grooming salon's self-bathing section.  For $15-20, you can use their tubs, warm water, shampoo, towels and power dryers.  I usually pay them to do it and leave her there for 5 hours... but I thought I'd just try to get the preliminary stink off, then take her for the pro job in the spring when she really blows her coat.  I was there about 1.5 hours and she definitely looks better.  I was sitting by my hubby when he suddenly said, "Suki, you still smell!"  We looked around and Suki wasn't in the room.  I think I was the stinky one.... Maybe I was all along?

Obviously it's probably because I washed her and didn't change out of my clothes yet... but it did make me ponder how we sometimes see others' faults when they are so often the same as our own.  We're more than happy to ignore our own funk.

Bum Knee

My weird knee is so unpredictable.  Every once in a while, it hurts for no known reason.  I messed it up pretty bad 20 years ago and tore 2/3 of my left ACL.. but I've been able to do a clean-up surgery on it and it's been pretty good as long as I don't do too much crazy stuff on it.  But yesterday and today, a little twinge came back.  It's not cuz I did anything  to make it sore.  It's not even sore really... but rather just twinges every now and then... as if there's some tiny bone fragment scraping up against every once in a while.  Usually a couple days of just easy walking and cycling (no running or jumping) will usually move that fragment out of the painful spot... but what happens when that doesn't do the trick?

Yesterday at work, I had a pretty bad limp.  Today I woke up with it being a bit better, so I know I should be pretty good by tomorrow.  For some reason, my mother-in-law has been on my mind a lot this weekend.  Could be cuz another uncle died last week, and we were discussing family stuff today...  But it made me remember how vital and energetic she was when she babysat the kids.  She would give them piggyback rides up and down the stairs and take them for walks.

But after she "retired" when she was 72, she seemed to slow down quite a bit... and we stood by her as she suffered knee pain, falls and countless visits to doctors and hospitals... far more than she ever wanted or probably ever imagined.  I think it drove her crazy because she liked having things done a certain way, and she wasn't physically capable of doing it that way anymore.  To make matters worse, she had to watch us do things our way which of course wasn't up to her standards.  She did mention in one of her later years that she had loosened her standards.

I really love to be active, but this old knee twinge just reminded me that I won't always be able to do the things I want. How ironic is it that, when you retire and have time to do stuff, you're not physically capable to do it all anymore?  I'd like to think that I have great genes (because my parents are pretty healthy), but I still won't be able to do what I do now.  Heck, I can't even do what I did 20 years ago.  How will I manage 20 years from now?  Will I be frustrated and angry?  Hopefully I'll have some grandkids to take the sting out of aging.  If not, Lindsay has promised to supply many cats.

Foul-Weather Friends

My girls have known this kid since middle school.  He lived down the block and we did a lot with him...  Carpool, band, bbq's, etc.  One of my kids even took him to a prom.  We thought of him like family and we thought we'd always be in touch.  But when he got into college and got a gf, he had issues with his mom and then dropped off the face of the earth.  Every now and then, we'd hear from the mom but nothing from the kid.  Fast-forward a few years...  Recently he contacted my girls and the other girls down the block.  Evidently he and the gf broke up and he was miserable... He apologized for being MIA, but mostly I think he just wanted someone to vent to.

I have friends like that too.  When things are going good with their lives or relationships, I don't hear anything.  It's literally "No news is good news."  I only hear from them when there are relationship issues or a family member is sick, etc. 

I used to wonder why people going through hardship sometimes have more faith in God than the people who have relatively easy lives.  Maybe it's because they go to Him more like my foul-weather friends only come to me when things are lousy.  Is that His only way of getting people's attention?  I try to talk to Him every day several times a day... but it's more of a quick chat now and then.  I don't really have that quiet time other folks have where they lock themselves up and just spend 1x1 time with Him.  Which is better?  I guess it doesn't matter since I can do both.

Empty Mind

I haven't posted much lately because I haven't had much on my mind outside of getting healthy and doing my job at AT&T.  I finally made it back to Tae Kwon Do last night and was working out with my instructor/buddy.  We were practicing this combo (a series of techniques to be executed in a certain sequence).  It was one of those block-parry-strike-strike things.  Remembering the sequence isn't hard, but having to adjust to your attacker was difficult.  For instance, if they attacked with the right hand, then you had to do the sequence starting with your left side... and if they attacked with the left hand, then you had to start the sequence with your right.  So it takes some reaction time too.  We were getting mixed up and all, then we decided to just go with an "Empty Mind." 

In martial arts, you can go with a beginner's mind, a focused mind, or an empty mind.  Beginner's Mind is when you approach whatever you're doing as if it's the first time you've ever done it (even though you may have done that particular punch or kick a zillion times over the course of twenty years).  With focused mind, you just concentrate on what you're doing and blocking out everything else.  Empty mind is just letting reactions work and doing what seems natural.  After having done the sequence several times on each side already (without a partner), our bodies should've memorized what do... so we decided to stop overthinking "should I use my left or right hand first?"  We used our empty minds and just let our bodies and "muscle memory" take over.  It was easy after that.

This makes me wonder if there is ever such a thing with "Empty Mind" with Christianity.  I have friends that were born into families where the faith was ingrained in them, and they never had doubts.  I guess they can have Empty Mind, but I doubt I ever will.