Hey Y'all! I was in Dallas this week for work Training and Planning. During the training, one of the things we discussed was Empathy - trying to see things from the Client's perspective. This spilled over into our interpersonal relationships with each other too. Many of us had never met in person before or had not seen each other in a couple years. It was very cool in that I got a chance to practice Empathy by having calm, collected conversations with my peers who are from Dallas, Atlanta, Chicago, etc. I think I was the only Californian.
Outside of work hours, we hung out for Breakfast and Dinner and, in addition to talking shop, talked about Gun Control and NFL Player Protests. Believe it or not, I was not the one who brought up the subjects! Knowing I was the only Californian, I figured I'd just avoid the subjects of politics and religion when heading out there... When in Rome, do as Romans do... I did, however, make one joke when I saw something flash across the screen about "Trump to have a listening session with Parkland Kids" (or something like that). I just muttered something about, "I hope he really listens and doesn't make it about him or sticks his foot in the mouth." Everybody pretty much agreed on that (plus it was a semi-joke).
It was interesting when one of my peers mentioned gun control (she has a symbol of an x'ed out AR-15 on her IM Chat), and most of the people at the table were women and agreed that teachers shouldn't necessarily be armed in the classroom. The guy on my right groaned and I looked at him and said, "I'm guessing this is a conversation you'd like to skip?" And he said, "I just don't like talking politics or religion because I'm not gonna change anybody else's mind and I doubt mine will change." We had to get back to work so the discussion was pretty much dropped but it was interesting to note different people's reactions. It's one thing to argue with people you don't really know online vs having a discussion with people face-to-face.
Another time, one guy mentioned about how his stance on NFL protestors changed from "Well, that is peaceful protest and it's better than rioting" to "Some things should be sacred" because he watched the women's hockey team standing during the National Anthem when they won the Gold. He had chills run up/down his spine and that was a great feeling. Another woman said she was totally against the protestors and said, "You just don't do that." I gave my opinion that I was raised to always say the pledge of allegiance, stand for the anthem etc as a kid... and when I first heard about Kaepernick (since he was a Niner), I groaned... but mostly because I didn't care for his kissing his biceps thing, etc. But when I learned more about why he was kneeling, I became a supporter. I mentioned how I know of law-abiding Black men that say being profiled/pulled over/harassed for driving in a nice neighborhood is definitely a thing. I mentioned how Blacks are incarcerated more often and punished more severely than their White counterparts, and I used the example of how three White kids beat up and permanently disabled a Black homeless man in Fairfield... and were walking free within 10 years. I know that would not be the same situation if three Black kids did that. And I mentioned how this was similar to the Olympians who raised their fists in silent protest in the 1960's, and how MLK was highly disliked at one time. One woman mentioned how her daughter was scared because she saw a Black guy breaking into her car and she can understand people feeling fear. I didn't go into how that isn't fair to judge all Black people by the actions of one (or a few) because I wanted her to finish what she was saying and practice my Empathy (plus she allowed me to have my say). The purpose is not for me to have my way, it's to try to understand where others are coming from. And I'm learning a lot of people's opinions come from how they FEEL.
One person (can't remember who) asked if they thought there was any racism inside the company, and I said I didn't think that was as much of a problem as the gap in pay between men and women. Granted, I was hired over 20 years ago when it was pretty common practice to pay men more as they were the "breadwinners." Most of the other women in my age range agreed, and a young Millenial woman said, "If it makes you feel any better, I was initially offered more money than my husband was when we got hired. I told him he had to renegotiate that figure." So it looks like there's some progress being done there.
In the end, they were saying that nothing could really be done about racism and sexism... and I said I thought it was important that people have these kinds of conversations in a calm manner because things will only get worse if people "stay in their camps" and don't listen to the other side. I continued my conversation with the original guy who started the NFL Protest conversation and told him that I'm a Christian, and believe that there's a certain point that prioritizing the Flag and/or Anthem too high can be a form of Idolatry. I also said I didn't think the nation was necessarily a Christian one at this point, but that was okay with me. Even though I'm a Christian, I believe in separation of church and state and I believe the country is a melting pot of diverse peoples and cultures. As a Christian (he said he was too), I believed it was important to treat each other fairly and with care. He agreed and I think we both walked away from that discussion FEELING better.
At the end of our Training and Planning sessions, the bosses asked us how we FELT about how things went. This made me realize that, when it comes down to it, a lot of what divides people is how they FEEL and EMPATHY needs to come into play when trying to find solutions. This reinforces my need to try and empathize more with other people. I don't need to try to change their minds, I need to listen to them and (if asked) calmly give my views.
Before I took this trip, I read "Call to Rise" by the former Dallas Police Chief David Brown who discusses how he moved from a skeptic of "Community Policing" to a supporter of it. Seeing that I'm neither Black nor a Police Officer (but know people who are one and/or both), I wanted to get some insight into this area.
During this trip, I also started reading "Strangers in Their Own Land" which is about a sociologist writer who lives amongst Tea Party Loyalists to get their thoughts and feelings about life in America. She was raised by a Foreign Service officer who traveled and she learned to live amongst people of other countries and cultures. In many ways, that is what America is - a land of different cultures... and I'm really looking forward to finishing this book. I read Hillbilly Elegy which was ok, but it was just one man's experience. I want to see, from the sociologist's perspective, how her interactions and interviews with several people went.
If any of you actually read this far and truly want to know how the other "side" is feeling, I recommend reading "Call to Rise" and "Strangers in Their Own Land." In my opinion, people are getting too entrenched into their own camps and digging their heels in. What used to be political or religious differences of opinions have grown into extreme dislike and contempt for those people who think or feel differently than you. Get off of Facebook for a bit - read a book, talk to people and LISTEN to them without interrupting. Stay off Fox/MSNBC/CNN/RushL and just watch the evening News in which they only have 20 minutes (after FF commercials) to give the News without editorializing (I usually watch CBS). Get your news from the more neutral sources in this chart. I think you will feel less stressed and more open to hearing others' thoughts and feelings.
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