A Former Agnostic's Pandemic Journey Back to Chinatown

I originally started this blog to keep track of my journey as a Christian.  Most of my life I've been agnostic even though I went to the First Chinese Baptist Church of SF (FCBC) and its sister church Sunset Ministry most of my youth and adult life (from 7th grade through my early 40s). My parents are agnostic (although my mom trends atheist these days) and I basically saw church as my community of friends and family. Sometimes I believed that Jesus was the son of God and my salvation; but honestly I didn't think about it too much because there were times when I questioned my faith... such as when my brother-in-law and friend were shot at the Golden Dragon Massacre in Chinatown when I was a teen (brother-in-law survived but friend died).  It wasn't until later that I decided to examine my true beliefs which I wrote about here.

Even though I was born at SF's Children's Hospital, I grew up in the cities of Richmond and El Cerrito and went to the Richmond public schools.  My dad worked his entire career with the Berkeley Unified School District, including the Civil Rights Movement era.  My schools were always pretty multi-ethnic and I wanted my kids to grow up in a diverse environment which I think we have in Fairfield.  Nonetheless, my parents grew up in SF Chinatown and it was important to them that they retain their roots. They had both grown up and met in Chinatown and got married at FCBC. Every week, I remember driving over to SF to "mai soong" or buy groceries in Chinatown before heading to my grandparents' place on Filbert and Larkin.  Several of my uncles and aunts also lived in Richmond/El Cerrito, so my uncle started driving me to FCBC for church before going to my grandparents' place.  It's at FCBC that I met my hubby and we were later married by the same pastor who married my parents.

Since my dad worked in Berkeley schools, they always recognized MLK and Malcolm X birthdays as holidays, and they offered Asian American Summer School when I was a teen. It was there that I learned more about history that wasn't included in the public school textbooks... and then later in college, I was able to take Asian-American history courses at San Francisco State University. The summer before I graduated with my Journalism BA, I interned at the East/West Newspaper in Chinatown and have fond memories of working there. They offered me an editor position after I graduated but I wanted to veer more into broadcast journalism.  Hindsight is 20/20 and now I wonder if I should've stuck with print, but there's no use crying over spilt milk.

As a former agnostic, I've always looked at churches with a discerning eye.  I just assumed they served their communities as I know that FCBC has always worked closely with the YMCA across the street, done interchurch sports leagues to outreach to youth, conducted English Night School for immigrants, held day camps and other programs for kids in the community, etc.  Likewise, Sunset Ministry hosts a weekly food pantry program, does service projects with other organizations like SF Impact and Habitat for Humanity, etc.  I also went to New Orleans on a mission trip back in 2016 with Sunset Ministry, my only mission trip (so far.)  

While I understand that the #1 goal is to bring people to Christ (Love God), I believe the best way to do that is to Love Your Neighbor. I once told my agnostic father how a church was serving the homeless meals, doing blood drives, etc and he responded, "That's how it should be. Otherwise it's just talk."  It was then that I realized that whatever church I attend and contribute to needs to walk the talk - Love God AND Love your neighbors (Matt 22:37-40).   Otherwise it's just a club of like-minded people.  I'd say about half of my friends and family are agnostic and/or not church affiliated, and I believe the best way to reach them is to set an example of God's love with feet on the street.  They don't see God unless we reflect His love. I also need a church that has women in positions of leadership, is open with their annual budget and board members, and isn't afraid of discussing the hard stuff such as systemic racism and White Supremacy.

Pastors Sebastian Ong (FCBC) and Jerry Mann (Sunset Ministry) have been very open about supporting BLM as well as efforts to Stop AAPI Hate.  It would have been easy for a Chinatown pastor  to ignore BLM because many Chinatown residents see that some of the attacks are perpetuated by Black people... But Pastor Sebastian (who is from Singapore) educated himself on African-American history and leads his congregation with the hard discussions, including how many Chinese have racist perceptions, how the Model Minority Myth is a White Supremacist Trap and how we need to come together in solidarity with other folks to eliminate systemic injustices and further God's kingdom.  Likewise, Pastor Jerry Mann spoke at a couple rallies to #Stop AAPI Hate and Sunset Ministry has participated in both BLM and Stop AAPI Hate Rallies.  I'm so pleased that these churches are speaking up for their neighbors in addition to serving them.

After George Floyd was murdered, the Fairfield Police partnered up with some local churches and a nearby BLM Chapter to have a prayer vigil at our local Laurel Creek Park.  I was so glad to see these entities come together for this prayer vigil and I decided then to become more aware of my local police department's policies and activities.  I found out that they have a Neighborhood Court program for restorative justice and have volunteered to participate as a panelist (just received word that I have been accepted).  

I'm getting up in years and needed to assess how to spend my time and resources.  I really like participating in FCBC and Sunset Ministry activities (my roots), but also wanted to help my local community.  I have a group of Fairfield/Suisun Christian women that I fellowship with, and we support and hold each other accountable... And now I will be working with the Neighborhood Court program.  I thank God for this journey he's taken me on through this pandemic.  In January 2020, I had no idea I'd be here.  We were given a pandemic, summer of protests, insurrection, mass shootings, etc.  It's been filled with ups and downs, connections/reconnections, and lots of discovery. Only God could've gotten me here and I thank Him for every minute :)