“Coincidence”

It’s been a while since I blogged because I’ve been dealing with some minor health issues, my brother-in-law’s death and my mom’s health issues.  All through this, I’m thankful for all the love and support God’s provided through family and friends.  I wanted to write this story down so that I could share it with my family and friends, and so that I would always have a record of this story somewhere.

My mom had been in the hospital five times in a one-month period and we decided to bring her home last Friday under hospice care because she was absolutely miserable in the hospital.  Instead of getting better, she was getting worse and shutting down mentally.  We got her home and she was still agitated in the beginning but, as a few hours passed, she relaxed and started eating, drinking and engaging as she did before she went in.

When Mom was in good health, she was known to be an excellent baker, knitter and crocheter.  She often made sweaters and blankets for other family members.  However, arthritis set into her fingers over ten years ago, so she had to stop and there are some unfinished projects still sitting around the house.  When she’d gone into the hospital last time (early 2021), we had to make room for a caregiver, so much of her yarn was given away as well as her needles and crochet hooks.

Imagine my surprise on Sunday when she asked me to hand her an unfinished blanket in the next room.  I originally thought she was cold and wanted to cover her legs since her favorite pants were in the wash and she was wearing shorts.  But then she asked me for the instruction booklet which I found easy enough.  And then she asked me to find a certain skein of yarn, and I start getting concerned because my mom had yarn all over the place before and I knew I gave some of the best stuff away.  I’m thinking, “I don’t think she even has the manual dexterity to knit anymore.”  After finally finding the yarn she wanted, she asked for a brown crochet hook which she insisted was on the lamp table beside her.  I’m thinking, “That hook is probably long gone by now.”  It’s a small table and I don’t see it.  She insists it’s there, then says to check the floor behind the table.  Sure enough - Mom’s right, so I hand it to her.

Mom tried working on it a bit, but then asked me to put the blanket and crochet hook away… so I thought that was that.  Thought it was kinda weird how she just had an urge to crochet after over ten years, but then let it go.

This morning (Thursday) my cousin Mike McGee texted me:

Good morning Karen! 

How is Auntie Letty doing today? 

And your Dad? 

I have been meaning to ask you, or your Mom actually, about this blanket I found in the house among my Mom’s stuff. (Auntie Mabel passed over a year ago.). It looks like it’s hand made and was wondering if possibly Auntie Letty made it for my Mom.  I don’t know if you can ID her handiwork, or if she could if she saw it first hand. I would have loved to show it to her in person, but I don’t believe I have seen your Mom since my Mom passed. It’s just one of those lingering, do-it-later things and now it’s later. 

It’s a beautiful blanket, an art piece. Measures 49”x 63”. Do you think she could ID it if you showed her these pictures? I’m not sure of her memory these days. 

I replied: OMG Mike - yes it is my mom’s work. Last weekend, when I was with her, she wanted to continue work on an afghan that looks identical to that one! (And I texted him the picture of her looking at it on Sunday, and told him how she had directed me to bring it all to her.)

MIKE: 😺☺️❤️

Your fast and positive reply has me smiling and almost crying at the same time! I’m so glad that I put it aside and it didn’t get given away! It was just too nice to let go even if your Mom didn’t make it. But she did and it means so much to me that it was on my Mom’s bed keeping her warm, made by her big sister!

This is definitely a ray of light on my cloudy 🌥 life! Thank you cuz!!🥰

ME: This is so much more than coincidence! Like Albert Einstein said, “coincidence is God’s way of staying anonymous.”

Mike and I continued to text each other about how it seemed that the sisters were channeling each other through us, about how Mom used to take Auntie Mabel shopping for clothes (including her first bra) because their mom was so busy working, and about how my mom foreshadowed a dark time for Auntie… All things Auntie and Mom talked to us about separately before she passed… I can only see this as another blessing and sign from God of His love and ability to reach through to give us comfort and hope.

All I can say is… I am a believer.

When it Rains, it Pours…

 I just posted my thoughts last week and was just gonna veg today after scattering Robert’s ashes and listening to his entire interview with the Chinatown Rising people yesterday.  He shared how the 1977 Golden Dragon massacre impacted his life, and it pained me to hear much of what he had to struggle with because he didn’t have counselors or therapists to talk to. As if the Buffalo shootings weren’t enough last week, there was another elementary school shooting in which 19 kids and 2 teachers were killed. When it rains, it pours, and it seems to keep pouring because hardly a week goes by when I hear about another mass shooting event. I’ve become somewhat numb to these mass shootings as sort of a self-protection mode to avoid a spiral into anger and depression…. Especially when I hear that parents have to give DNA samples so that their kids can be identified because their faces and bodies were so damaged by the gunfire… and then it’s followed up with an NRA convention in the same state, and Trump goes to speak… and the Secret Service didn’t allow guns at the NRA convention to keep HIM safe. Hypocrisy much?

Thankfully, I watched the First Chinese Baptist Church zoom recording from yesterday after the girls left this morning. I knew that they would talk and pray about the shooting and world events because they always do. They never ignore the elephant in the room.  Still, I was caught unawares of the tears I shed when a cute little girl sang “You are my all in all” with her mother at the beginning of service. The song was beautiful, of course, but it was just the fact that 19 children like her were gunned down less than a week ago and are unrecognizable because of the bullets to their faces and heads.  

Pastor Sebastian then followed up with a lament about gun violence which expressed my thoughts and feelings as well.  Pastor Chris O gave a message on “Why Jesus Ascended” and tied it into “Why do these things happen? And what can we do?”  The short answers are no surprise - Bad things happen because we live in a broken world (or as my daughters aptly put it, the world is effed up.) And what we can do is start with ourselves - We can do what we can do to help one person at a time, moving towards love, justice, peace and hope… and then work with other folks to help more people.  Chris O said it in a much more compelling way and I recommend you watch her message here: https://fb.watch/dkHjusdXWj/

I will continue to help people as much as I can, as well as organizations who are trying to help in areas of social justice… and I will research areas in which I can help with gun culture and mental health.  So far, this is the best article I’ve read to date with solutions, written by a former military gun owner. Basically he’d like to implement the NRA Rules into law. Just like drunk driving laws didn’t stop drunk driving, it does hold people accountable and slowly changed the drinking culture. We need to do the same thing with gun culture. In addition to this, mental health needs to be destigmatized so that people get help for themselves (and their kids) sooner as suicide by gun is very prevalent. I’ve been passionate about gun control laws since the Golden Dragon Massacre when Robert was shot and Calvin was killed.  I was only 15 years old then, and had no idea why God would allow this then… just as I still question it now at the age of 60.  But I’m now in the position and mindset to at least try to make a difference.  I hope you will too.  

https://www.stonekettle.com/2015/06/bang-bang-sanity.html

Reflections on 2022 So Far - Death, Ukraine, Racist Attacks, Roe v Wade, COVID

My last blog was in January and I vowed to write something at least once a quarter.  Technically, we’re still in the second quarter of 2022 but it’s been about 4 months since my last blog. 

On a personal level, it’s been an eventful year.  My brother-in-law Robert died on March 1 of cardiopulmonary arrest. Since then, family members and friends have been going to the family home in SF regularly to clean it up and get it ready for an estate sale. Ro was a collector and had an eclectic collection of Art Deco, Chinese furniture, Hawaiian art, antique luggage, Hotel and Airline dishes and silver serving dishes, amongst other items. In life, he also had a wide variety of friends and family members from all walks of life; and he loved them all and prioritized his relationships.  In addition to prepping the house for the estate sale, we’d been planning his Hawaiian-themed celebration of life which we held last weekend.  It was basically a party  for all of us who knew him to come together for some food and drink… and a hula performed by his long-time buddy… and I believe it was something he would’ve enjoyed attending.  While we had a video of pics and music, interspersed with short memories that people shared of Robert, there was no formal service with speakers. We wanted people to just share amongst themselves and remember Ro in a happy party setting.

Video: https://youtu.be/r_Kf946qxQ8

Program: https://1drv.ms/w/s!AmJeZz1KhQW7kjoYzjritjfFL5yU

Hula: https://youtu.be/nVqb4vrGLes

The family will join together again next weekend to scatter his ashes in the Bay (he requested near the Golden Gate Bridge), but we will continue to miss him til we meet again. 

Moving on to world events at large…. Normally I link all the resources I discuss in my blog, but I honestly don’t have the energy for that right now.  Maybe I’ll update/edit it later… but for now I’ll just try to share off the top of my head in no particular order.

Russia started their invasion of Ukraine in February.  As always, people attack others for resources - be it land, oil, power or whatever resource they want. Most of the Western world stands with Ukraine and millions of their citizens have had to seek refuge in other countries. Ukraine, with assistance from the U.S. and other allies, have been able to resist Russia’s attacks… but they’ve still lost many lives. As a result, there’s global inflation on prices of oil and goods and, of course, the GOP is trying to blame Biden for it so that they can try to get more Republicans into office. 

Last week, there was a racially hate-motivated attack on a Black community in Buffalo, NY.  Also last week, a Dallas gunman shot three Korean women in a hair salon as attacks on AAPI continue. White Supremacy is obviously a huge issue in this country but, in my view, many White Evangelicals and Republicans don’t really care because THEIR community isn’t being impacted.  Tucker Carlson and all the other hate mongerers talk about the Great Replacement Theory (White folks being replaced by Jews and POC) which fuels these White Supremacists with more hatred to go after POC.

There was also a Supreme Court document leak indicating that SCOTUS will soon overturn Roe v Wade.  I have always been and remain pro-choice.  Of course GOP will say I am pro-abortion but they are two different things.  Nobody I know, including those who have had abortions, think “Yeah, I like abortion-Let me go get one now!” I don’t know how many people have told me, “My mom got unexpectedly pregnant with me and I’m glad she had me instead of getting an abortion.”  And I’m like, “Yeah, I’m happy that she got to make that CHOICE too!”  I have known enough girls/women who have had abortions and would have had one whether it was legal or not.  With Roe v Wade, they can get one without putting their health at risk. I prefer to address the cause of unwanted pregnancies with birth control, sex ed, and public assistance for parents who do have children and need help.  I can go on and on about this, but Pastor John Pavlovitz says it better than I can here:

https://johnpavlovitz.com/2018/07/19/dear-pro-life-christian-youve-already-lost/

COVID is starting to surge again, but I am relieved that vaccines, treatments and PPE is now more widely available. While I feel people are getting too reckless, I will continue to take precautions with my and my parents’ health.  We will continue to get boosted every 5-6 months if we can, wear masks in indoor public settings, and try to keep socially distant when out and about. I’m thankful to the Biden Administration for making all this available to folks and hope my friends and family members take advantage of it.

No matter all the bad stuff above that’s been happening, I am thankful to God for providing me a faith community like the First Chinese Baptist Church of SF. The pastors there pray regularly about world events because they know that Jesus wants us to “Stand in the Gap” (shout out to Chris O’s message today) to help others get to know Him AND do His work.  While the Southern Baptist Convention deals with the latest sexual abuse reports… and the SF Archbishop denies communion to Nancy Pelosi… it’s nice to be part of a church that strives, not to judge, but to help people come to Christ and be Christ to one another.

New Year 2022

It's a new year, but not necessarily that "Happy" yet.  There was good and bad in 2021 which I'd like to reflect on.

First on the list for "Bad" was the Insurrection on January 6, along with all the continued lies that the election was fraudulent and the voter restriction legislation happening at the State level in red/purple states.  While some GOP lawmakers spoke out against it when it was happening, many are now backtracking and trying to downplay the severity of that day... and doing what they can to suppress the vote so they can stay in power.  The small "Good" of this is that there are some Conservatives that are still appalled by those events, including the few that did vote to impeach Trump for his part.  Also good is that there is still a committee investigating what happened and why to prevent another recurrence...  And there are judges convicting those responsible.

What the Insurrection also showed me was that the "Christian Nationalists" were out there flying "Jesus Saves" signs along with those carrying Confederate flags.  This was really a wake-up call to me.  It's not that I think all White Christians are racist Insurrectionist Trump lovers. It's just that there was, in my circles, very little said about it by some of my White Evangelical friends.  Just like with the killing of Black lives and the AAPI Hate, some of my White friends said nothing to me about any of it (or worse, "It did come from China")... and I felt like I was being gaslighted.  I don't know if it was because they just didn't know what to say or if they didn't believe these things were happening... but it did make me deeply sad to realize that some Christians only want to see what's true in "their world."

COVID and its variants are still a "Bad" for 2021 and 2022, but the "Good" is that the vaccines have been distributed and is keeping many people out of hospitals and/or dying.  The "Bad" is that vaccines and masks have become a political issue when they should just be considered tools that all of us can use to help each other out. I credit Biden for trying to distribute them to everybody, but "you can't make the horse drink." The "Good" is that those of us willing to use these tools can do so to protect ourselves from the unmasked as much as possible. 

Somewhat "Bad" is that Kyle Rittenhouse got acquitted, but he will have to live with the lives he took.  In his case, I blame his parents and his world which glorifies guns and vigilantism while villifying BLM protestors. While there are rioters and looters at some (not all) BLM protestors, they are damaging/taking property, not people's lives. He was a minor and got caught up in something way above his head. Definitely "Bad" were the people encouraging his actions, including the police who were praising him and giving him water.  The flip side to this vigilante story is that the three guys who killed Ahmaud Arbery while jogging were convicted. They clamed they were trying to do a citizen's arrest or something, but let's just call it what it was - a lynching.  And one of them was stupid of enough to record it. 

Derek Chauvin was also convicted for killing George Floyd. While this is a taste of justice, I can't really call it "Good" because these killings shouldn't be happening at all.  If it weren't for people recording some of these incidents, all of these people would've walked free. It takes camera footage and persistent family and community members to get these convictions.  Just imagine how much goes unseen....

One good is that there is one less war the U.S. is involved in (Afghanistan); the bad is that the pull-out was very rocky.  While US and allied forces evacuated more than 120,000 civilians, there were still hundreds left.  I can't find any recent numbers about how many are still there that want to leave. War is always "Bad" in my book, so now I'm hoping that things on the Ukraine/Russia border don't escalate.  

Another good thing is that a bipartisan infrastructure bill passed; the bad part of that is that a lot of good things got stripped from it.  But hey, Trump had four years to pass an infrastructure bill which never got passed.  I didn't think Democrats could get anything passed with the Senate 50/50 split.  Definitely a major "Bad" is the GOP which refuses to let any of the good stuff pass, even when it helps their constituents. 

On a personal level, here are some of the highlights of 2021:

Deepened friendships with Fairfield/Suisun Christian friends

Reignited my membership with the First Chinese Church of SF (FCBC), while retaining friendships with folks at Sunset Ministry and New Life Church

Stop AAPI Hate March with Sunset Ministry

Prayer Walk in Bay View/Hunters Point with FCBC and Pastor Kirk Davis of KairosSF

Screening of Chinese Couplets at FCBC

Finished reading The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness, Never Caught: The Washingtons' Relentless Pursuit of Their Runaway Slave, Ona Judge, and Reconstructing the Gospel: Finding Freedom from Slaveholder Religion.

Attended training for Fairfield's Neighborhood Court Restorative Justice Program

Annual Summer Trips to Vegas to see old friends and Tahoe with Chan Family (mom's relatives)

2022 Goals:

Become more active with the Neighborhood Court Program

Attend FCBC Events - Services, Bible Study, Retreats, Fellowship Groups, Service Projects, Etc.

Read more books (less time on Social Media)

Blog something on a quarterly basis (at a minimum)

I'm sure there's more that I've missed in my highlights and goals, but I've already written a book (which is a long-term goal).  Thanks for reading!